The title of the first Christian book that I ever read remains clear in my memory. It was a book written by the British Methodist, Leslie Weatherhead, titled The Transforming Friendship. I have never forgotten that title. It burnt into my soul two convictions about our Christian Faith that have remained with me for just on 60 years.
On the one hand, the title has kept alive in me the conviction that the God who came to us in Christ wants an intimate friendship with us. This good news is a staggering, mind-boggling, startling reality: the Creator God who spoke the whole universe into existence, who sustains us in the immediacy of each moment, wants our intimate friendship. God, who has done everything necessary for this friendship to be offered to every human being, says to you and me, “I want to be your friend.” Indeed, we could say as Jesuit scholar William Barry does, that God’s intention for our universe is that God wants us to live in friendship and harmony with God, with each other, and with the whole of creation. William A. Barry, S. J., God’s Great Story and You (Chicago, IL: Loyola Press, 2021), 10.
On the other hand, the title has kept alive in me the conviction that friendship with God transforms us. Learning to trust God as our Divine Friend has a transforming effect on each part of our lives. It transforms how we pray and read scripture, how we relate to loved ones and friends, how we respond to human suffering, how we see our daily work, how we approach illness and death, indeed it transforms every aspect of our daily lives. Trusting God as God’s friend affects the way we think and feel, what we desire and long for, and the way we see our unique place in God’s universe. Real friendship with God creates the environment in which we can gradually become the people that God wants us to be.
01. Two Hoped-for Outcomes
I begin like this because I want to reimagine the Spiritual Exercises as Transforming Friendship. In this work of reimagination, I have two hoped-for outcomes:
First, I hope that, by looking at the Spiritual Exercises through the lens of transforming friendship, our understanding of their dynamics will be expanded. By “dynamics” of the Spiritual Exercises what is meant is the flow, or the pattern, of how the Spiritual Exercises are structured. These dynamics have been helpfully described by numerous Ignatian scholars. David L. Fleming, S. J., Like the Lightning: The Dynamics of the Spiritual Exercises (St. Louis, MO: The Institute of Jesuit Resources, 2004). And, I want to add to these ongoing conversations the suggestion that reimagining the Spiritual Exercises as Transforming Friendship adds another helpful perspective regarding our understanding of their flow or pattern.
Second, I hope to show how our engagement with the Spiritual Exercises themselves draw us into an ever-deepening transforming friendship with Jesus Christ, and the God whom he reveals. We will see that our transforming friendship with Christ is never for our own sakes. It also draws us into God’s dream for the healing of our broken world. We discover that friendship with God involves becoming God‘s partner in the family business of making God’s intention for our universe a greater reality right where we live and work.
Before we go any further, I have a hunch that Ignatius himself would be happy with using this analogy of ‘friendship’ in relation to the Spiritual Exercises. I find it hugely significant that when he invites us into colloquy, he describes this conversation with the Lord as “one friend speaks to another, or as a servant to his master.” David L. Fleming, S. J., Draw Me Into Your Friendship: The Spiritual Exercises—a Literal Translation and a Contemporary Reading (St. Louis, MO: The Institute of Jesuit Resources, 1996), see 48-49. These two images invite us to pray as God’s intimate friend or as God’s servant partner.
I am also struck by the way Ignatius understood the early identity of the Jesuits as “friends in the Lord’ or “companions of the Lord.” Then, he gives us in the Call of the King meditation, the challenge to become a companion with Christ in his labours. By reimagining the Spiritual Exercises as Transforming Friendship I do think we are being faithful to these directives given by Ignatius in the Spiritual Exercises.
02. A Helpful Analogy for Our Relationship with God
Before engaging the task of reimagining the Spiritual Exercises as Transforming Friendship, here are three reasons why the friendship analogy can be helpful in this endeavour.
First, good friendships take time and commitment to develop. They cannot be micro-waved. There are no instant friendships. They grow naturally as we carve out space in our full diaries to be together with the other person. They mature as they become a priority in the way we plan our lives. Think of a good friendship in your own life right now. Consider your investment of time and energy deposited in this relationship as it has grown and deepened over the months and years.
Growing your friendship with Christ in the Spiritual Exercises also requires a similar time commitment. When someone invites me to give them the Spiritual Exercises, I always explore this requirement with them. Are they willing to carve out the necessary time in their dairies? An hour in the morning to engage the Exercises, time in the evening to do the Examen, a weekly conversation with myself. Are they willing to place priority on this journey above other formational commitments? It is difficult to engage the Spiritual Exercises fully and to engage other formational opportunities simultaneously. After all, it is a once in a lifetime experience!
Second, good friendships experience different stages. The first stage usually begins when we are drawn to something in the other person. We then act on this attraction, arrange to spend time together, and start to share details of our lives with each other. We also take an interest in the other person as they share themselves with us. Another stage occurs when we let each other down, see things differently, misunderstand each other, and need to give grace and forgiveness to each other. Then comes that stage when we seek to be with each other in moments of loss and grief. I wonder if any of these stages resonate with your experience of friendship.
Likewise, developing our friendship with Christ in the Spiritual Exercises involves us experiencing different stages. Think about this for a moment. Before starting the Spiritual Exercises themselves, there are the important Dispositional Days or Preparation Days during which we explore those foundational experiences of God’s personal love that evoke within our heart our attraction towards God. This attraction leads us towards wanting to come to know God more deeply in Jesus Christ, to love him more intensely, and to follow him more closely. This stage may also evoke some resistance as we realise that we may meet similar obstacles that our Divine Friend faced. The final stage of the Exercise journey culminates with us being with Christ in his suffering and death and then sharing his joy in his resurrection.
Thirdly, good friendships invite the attitudes of generosity, openness and courage. If a friendship is going to move beyond the honeymoon stage, there needs to be a generosity of spirit towards the other. If we are going to move beyond the shallow end of friendship, we need to be open to the other person as he or she is. If our friendship is to move into greater reality, we will need the courage to reveal who we really are to our friend. These three attitudes are indispensable for our friendships to become all that they are meant to be within God’s family. You may want to reflect on how these attitudes have found expression in your friendships.
Unsurprisingly, Ignatius underlines the need for anyone doing the Spiritual Exercises to bring these three attitudes to the journey. Right at the beginning of the text of Exercises, he outlines 20 Annotations. Some of these are intended for the giver of the Exercises, while others are for the person receiving them. Here is the fifth Annotation to be given to the receiver: ‘The most important qualities in the person who enters into these exercises are openness, generosity, and courage. As retreatants, our one hope and desire are that God will place us with his Son so that in all ways we seek only to respond to that love which first created us and now wraps us round with total care and concern.” Fleming, Draw Me Into Your Friendship, 9.
03. Conclusion
Hopefully your appetite has been whetted to continue this journey of Reimagining the Spiritual Exercises as Transforming Friendship. Our next five episodes will explore this analogy in relation to the Disposition Days, the First Week, the Second Week, the Third Week, and the Fourth Week of the Spiritual Exercises. Along the way I will offer links with other resources that will shed further light upon our adventure of reimagination. If in any way these reflections encourage you to receive the Spiritual Exercises or help you to give them more faithfully, I will be immensely grateful.
04. Praxis
At the end of each article, I will offer a simple practice designed to help you interact with God around the material presented. Here is the first:
Take a few moments to become quiet. Consider briefly that God desires to live in conscious friendship with you. Let this good news touch both your mind and your heart.
Recall the story of one good friendship in your life. Give thanks to God for this friendship and share with God what this friendship has meant to you.
Consider one characteristic of this friendship that sheds light on what it may mean for you to grow your friendship with God. It may be spending more time together, or sharing yourself more generously, or listening with greater openness, or some other characteristic that stands out for you.
End your time by asking God for the help you need to build this one characteristic more intentionally into your unfolding friendship with God.