Watch Chris Hall’s Overcoming Pride with Humility here.
This week we consider the vice of pride. We are joined in our small groups by Abba Arsenius; a gifted teacher and scholar who left his prestigious position as tutor to an Emperor’s children to seek obscurity in the desert.
It was Rick Warren, paraphrasing C.S. Lewis, who said, “Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.” Chris and Arsenius explore with us ways we might begin to reorientate our thinking.
Small Group Leaders: Equipment Required
1. What did you hear?
The study group leader picks up the pebble and shares what resonated and what brought up resistance. One sentence for each. No comments, no questions. The study group leader then passes the pebble to their neighbor.
When a group member is holding the pebble, it is their turn to share if they want to—everyone should be given the courtesy of being listened to without judgment or comment but remember, one sentence for each. If a group member does not wish to share anything then they can simply pass the pebble to their neighbor.Some people may not be comfortable passing an object around the group. You may want to provide hand sanitizer for everyone to use before and/or after touching the pebble. However, please also feel free to find more creative ways to pass on the right-to-share-without-interruption.
2. What are you thinking?
After you have all had the chance to share your initial impressions you can open up the group for discussion.
Note to leader: It may be hard for some participants to admit the answer to this question. You might want to discuss in pairs rather than in the big group, or even just have everyone use the pen and paper to write it down.
3. Reflecting on Scripture
The parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector was told to those “who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else.” We are used to seeing the Pharisees as the bad guys in the Gospels. It is easy to forget that these were men who were genuinely trying to follow God. They believed that if the Jewish nation kept the law (as the Pharisees understood it) then the Messiah would come—so how did they miss the Messiah when he was stood right in front of them?
In the letter to the Romans, we find the exhortation, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment” (verse 3).All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
In what ways are you like the Pharisees? Do you believe that God’s action in the world depends on you? What might you be missing?
How can we learn to appreciate and honor other members of Christ’s body?
Finish by reading 1 John 1:5–9.
Luke 18:9–14
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Romans 12:1–6
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.
1 John 1:5–9
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Discuss your experiences in the group, then try the new practices at home before the next session. Please take a copy of the study guide with you as a reminder.
Here are a few ideas—do as you can, not as you can’t:
Feedback
Did you try any of the practices from the previous session? What was helpful? What wasn’t?
In this session Chris elaborates on the value of secret, quiet places.
Once more, I invite you to a daily practice of silence, solitude, and stillness. However, in addition, consider taking a longer period of time alone with God. Is there somewhere nearby where you could go and be with God for half a day or longer—a park, a retreat center, a coffee shop?
Is there someone in your group who has responsibilities that make that practice very difficult? Are you able to relieve someone of caring duties for a couple of hours to give them the gift of time alone with God?
Chris suggests that Abba Arsenius would encourage us to undertake secret service:
“We don’t need to become known because we are already known. God sees us.”
Being completely honest with yourself, consider if there is anything you do “for others” that puts you in the spotlight? Is there anything that you might need to walk away from so that you can get to the place you need to be in your relationship with God? Power? Position? Recognition?
Conversely, can you think of anything you can do to serve others in secret?
Chris gives some ideas about how to reorientate our thinking
You could start with trying to live one day without judgment or manipulation.
Are you able to spend a day trusting the best in others? What might you need to do to achieve that? Keep quiet in a meeting—even opting out of a meeting, a decision, an essential job to give others space?
Have all participants repeat Chris’s prayer together.
Prayer of Yielding
Lord, help me to see all the beauties and wonders of the world around me;
all those precious image bearers so gifted, so wondrous.
You have already given me enough by gifting me the way that you have.
I accept the gift.
Reorientate my eyesight, reorientate my hearing,
to looking beyond myself, to hearing beyond myself,
for your sake.
For you are the great expert, Lord.
Pride is said to be the root of all vices; however, in Enneagram teaching it is associated particularly with type 2. Type 2 is part of the heart triad which is characterized by a tendency to shame.
The Heart types (2, 3, and 4) are sociable people who love to connect. They are good conversationalists, articulate, warm, friendly, and often outwardly self-confident. They put great store in their personal identity, and that identity is based on the reaction of others. Heart people are empathetic, sensing the emotional temperature of others, responding to their needs and reactions with vitality and practical support; hence, heart types gravitate toward the caring professions. By doing good and seeking balance, they reflect God’s love, effectiveness, and creativity in the world.
Heart people are emotionally present, but more so to the emotions of those around them than to their own. Paradoxically, heart types can find it difficult to connect to their emotions and so the reactions of others serve as a mirror to their own. This may be the reason that heart types find it hard to be alone. Outwardly confident, good natured, and content, heart people fear being empty, worthless, or without personal significance. Connection often leads to comparison, so shame or anxiety are never far from the surface.
Heart people are seeking to answer the question, “Who am I?Heuertz, Christopher L., The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017). and the tendency for them to “believe I am what others say or think about me.”Rohr, Richard and Andreas Ebert, The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, Peter Heinegg, trans. (New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2001).
Twos crave affection and esteem. They need to be needed and for this reason, they serve others and do a lot of good things. However, Twos are often unaware of their true motivation. Instead they are tempted to believe in an idealized self-image that deserves to be loved. Hence the vice of pride is specifically associated with Twos. We look at the two type in more detail below.
The construction of an idealized self-image also applies to Threes and Fours. For any of the heart types, when this self-image is not validated by others, or it is challenged by reality, the reaction is shame which can manifest as denial, despair, or outright hostility.
Threes crave worth which they manufacture through success and their pride leads them to avoid failure by any means possible
Fours crave significance which they try to earn through being authentic, true to themselves. Their pride shows up in their envy of anyone who has the recognition that they long for.
Other Enneagram types are not immune to pride or shame. Pride does not occur in the traditional list of deadly or capital sins as it was recognized as the root of them all: Anger, vainglory, envy, avarice, gluttony, lust, and sloth. Rebecca DeYoung defines pride as
a quest to provide happiness for ourselves through whatever god-substitute we choose- pleasure, approval, wealth, power, status. We are not willing to let God be in control, so we refuse to keep these goods in their place and accept them as gifts from his hand.DeYoung, Rebecca Konyndyk, Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins and Their Remedies. (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2009).
Below are just some examples of how pride and shame might show up for the other enneagram types.
Ones take pride in getting things right and may feel deep shame and self-loathing when they get something wrong.
Fives take pride in being competent and may feel shame if they are made to feel foolish.
Sixes may take pride in loyalty and may feel shame if they break the rules or step out of line.
They may also take pride in facing their fears and feel shame if they are unable to do that.
Sevens avoid facing shame and other painful emotions by focusing on fun and pleasure.
Eights are often described as shameless and it is interesting that to move toward health, Eights are encouraged to develop the best qualities of a Two. However, Eights may be ashamed of their vulnerability, and take control in order to protect themselves.
Nines avoid conflict. Shame may arise if they voice their own needs and wants or if they fail to speak up when they know they should.
One last point on pride and shame. When we recognize the vice of our type and take steps to move toward a healthier version of ourselves—those steps at first may feel like sin.Widdows, Becky and Margi Walker God-shaped people, UK Enneagram course.
For example:
A One faced with domestic chores might feel shame at taking advantage of sunshine and leaving the housework to head to the beach (but the chores will always be with you. Sunshine will not – at least in the UK where this is being written!).
A Two might feel shame in taking care of their own needs before looking after someone else (but remember the parable of the oxygen mask on the plane).
I think this observation—that going against our instinctive behavior feels like sin—is evidence that we have all set ourselves up as God; the ultimate definition of pride.
2: The Helper/The Pleaser/The Enabler
Twos feel good about themselves if they are needed, indispensable. They consider themselves to be nice people—kind and loving—and would be devastated if you thought otherwise.
Twos could well say:
“Here, let me help you with that.”
Twos are very unlikely to say:
“No. That’s not convenient for me.”
Twos show love! They are interested in people and want to form supportive relationships. They are generous, desire to serve and are very intuitive, sensing the needs of others. Twos are nice people who put others before themselves which makes them open to being exploited. Everybody loves Twos but they are especially valued in church settings and held up as a model of Christian behavior—especially female Christian behavior.
However, in truth, Twos deny their own needs because they are ashamed of them. Twos need to be needed, need to be appreciated and need to feel entitled to be loved. This leads to the vice of a Two which is pride.
When a Two’s flattery, sacrifice and service does not bring the looked-for praise, appreciation and love then they can be tempted to fall back on unhealthy martyr or mafia mode. Martyr mode involves rehearsing all that they have done and not been recognized for, coupled with envy for others who are seen as receiving the love and attention due to the Two. This leads to self-absorption and depression. It may also lead to an apparently uncharacteristic burst of anger and resentment which makes others wary of further involvement. Mafia mode on the other hand manifests as bullying and trying to control others. Favors may be called in as the Two becomes demanding, impatient, distrustful critical, and even vengeful or cruel—a slide down to the worst of an Eight—again leading others to withdraw.
Hope for Twos lies in recognizing and accepting their own needs:
Twos can work on this by exploring their Four side:
The English designer, William Morris said Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. Twos feel that they need to be useful to God; in fact, they fear being useless. “They have lost sight of the essential truth that God knows what we need and is able to meet the needs of each one of us.”Widdows, God-shaped people.
When a Two opens themselves to the undeserved grace of God then they can admit their own needs and let them be met without feeling shame. When they grasp that they are truly loved for who they are, not what they do, then the virtue of true humility grows. Virtuous Twos take ownership of who they really are—and can then freely give of themselves without worrying about what they gain in return. They can rest in the truth that God believes them to be beautiful.