Conversatio Divina

Part 12 of 19

Growing in the Garden

How The Streams Water Our Sprouts

Lacy Finn Borgo

Christian spiritual formation with children is the process by which a child learns to live their life with God. That’s right; the kid who last left his gum on your kitchen table is invited into the same life with God you are. The one who pretends to be a dog during the entire second grade, the one who sings show tunes from dawn to dusk, that one is also capable of a life walking with the God of the universe.

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Table of Contents

  1. 01.  Introduction
  2. 02.  The Contemplative Tradition: Jesus Prays
  3. 03.  The Holiness Tradition: Jesus Is Good
  4. 04.  The Charismatic Tradition: Jesus Works with the Holy Spirit
  5. 05.  Social Justice Tradition: Jesus Loves Others
  6. 06.  Evangelical Tradition: Jesus Brings Good News
  7. 07.  Incarnational Tradition: Jesus Lives His Life with God

01.  Introduction

 They grow in this life with God in the same way that you and I do. Use your imagination and take a walk with me into the Parable of the Sower.Matthew 13:18–23, Mark 4:1–9, and Luke 8:4–8. Ignatian meditation, which uses the imagination, is perfectly suited for children because imagination is the stuff of their everyday lives. When teaching children about their own life with God, I often invite them into the Parable of the Sower through their imagination, sort of a “lectio for little ones.” 

 First we read the passage, and I ask them to imagine they are there with Jesus in the boat. We read the passage a second time, and I invite them into the garden Jesus is talking about. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you taste? What do you smell? What do you feel? Most of the first things they experience are dirt and worms. But as we read it through a third time, and we invite the Holy Spirit to speak to them through the parable, they say things like, “I want my soil to be better” and, “Sometimes my anger is like thorns” and, “At school I feel like people walk on me.”  

These statements open the door into how kingdom living works. Children see that they are precious sprouts in God’s good garden and that through this parable he is showing them how growing works. The Holy Spirit plants the seed and is a good gardener enriching soil. We are invited to work with the Good Gardener through the spiritual disciplines. Every day, life will challenge us in the form of weeds, and birds, and rocks. We are planted by the streams of living water, and if we keep drinking this water, we will grow and we will never be thirsty. 

There are at least six things Jesus did over and over again. These six things rooted his life firmly in the Divine Community of the Trinity. Richard Foster calls these streams.Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water: Celebrating the Great Traditions of Christian Faith (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1998). We need them like trees need water and our little sprouts need this water, too. Jesus makes it very clear that children are included in his Kingdom. In fact, he says they hold the door open for the rest of us. Mark 10:13–16 

02.  The Contemplative Tradition: Jesus Prays

The first bowl of spaghetti we gave our daughter was an exercise in contemplation. We spent all spring telling her not to eat the worms on our sidewalk. Now, we were handing her a bowl of spaghetti and saying, “Eat this. It’s good.” She picked the spaghetti apart piece by piece, examining each noodle, looking, smelling, tasting, touching. People who are in a contemplative relationship with God use every sense to enter into conversation with Him. While this is the language of Christian mystics, it couldn’t be more practical or perfectly suited for children. For starters, when children pray they don’t have to be convinced that God wants to hear from them, or that he will talk back for that matter. The dinner prayers of children can go on for what seems like hours. They include confessions and endless lists of requests, because in the beginning children pray without pretension.  The little girl who prays, “God thank you for my baby brother, but I asked for a puppy,” is lacking in the kind of adult pretension that holds us back from honest conversation with God. That she likes her brother and still wants a puppy are the facts of her experience and she feels perfectly fine expressing them to her Heavenly Father.  

We open the space for children to enter into the Divine Conversation by inviting them to talk to God, constantly, and in whatever way they feel comfortable. We can do this anywhere and anytime. We don’t have to wait until they are verbal to enter conversations either. Young children are observing, and responding to conversation without the use of words all the time. Temper tantrums in the check-out line at Target are proof enough. They learn to use prayer language in the same way they learn any other language and they can learn it from us as we pray aloud throughout the day. Meal times are great spaces to express our gratitude, but what about other times throughout the day? Consider a time of gratitude prayer as everyone gets up and readies for the day, or as last words and thoughts before drifting off to sleep.  

Creating a space to meet with God is a helpful practice. Consider creating a “tent of meeting” or empty a corner in a closet or designate a special chair. In our family the coffee table is set as a simple altar. The space includes any number of items that give a child a chance to meditate on God and enter into conversation: a small box of sand where children can draw their prayers with their fingers, a candle with three wicks for the three persons of the Trinity, or a battery powered lantern if your children are not yet fire responsible. Our favorite altar item is our finger labyrinth.Children’s Intuipath® Finger Labyrinth As our fingers move inward we talk to God. Once we reach the center we pause and rest. On the way back out we listen for what God has to say to us.  

Children’s books are great teaching tools. They root information in the space of relationship that bonds the participants together and helps the material to stick. Praying in ColorSybil MacBeth, Praying in Color: Kids Edition (Brewster, MA: Paraclete Press, 2009). helps children express their inner wants, needs, and concerns through doodling and is a great prayer tool for adults as well.  

It is perfectly natural for children to talk with God in the same easy way Jesus did, and when they do, “The end is a wild, hilarious love relationship with God in which [they] freely live and do the will of God.”Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. 1998), 55.

03.  The Holiness Tradition: Jesus Is Good

As parents we’re really concerned with goodness. “Be good,” we tell our children as they leave for school in the morning. What we mean is, “Please don’t end up in the principal’s office.” We know that being good will keep them safe; we know that being good will keep our reputation in the clear as well.  But really, what is goodness? What does being good look like in the life of Jesus? He spent his ministry years on the lam because folks were frequently trying to stone him or hurl him off the nearest cliff. So maybe goodness doesn’t have much to do with safety. As for his reputation, his own brother didn’t believe in who he claimed to be until the proof was too “resurrection real” to ignore.  

Goodness is not managing our sin, or trying “not to be bad.” Goodness is not dependent on what others think of my parenting. Go ahead breathe a sigh of relief and freedom—I did.  I learned this when my eldest daughter told her first-grade Sunday school class that Jesus didn’t look like Joseph because Joseph and Mary never mated. Go ahead, reread that.  

Goodness is ultimately a product of love. This kind of love is an inner strength that gives us the ability to be response-able. To love someone is to be able to respond, to act, for their very best good. Every interaction Jesus had was to bring about the good of another. When we practice the inner disciplines of prayer, meditation, fasting, and study, the Holy Spirit works to bring about goodness in us, and this goodness results in goodness for others.Valerie Hess and Marti Watson Garlett, Habits of a Child’s Heart: Raising Your Kids with the Spiritual Disciplines (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2004). A practical book on practicing spiritual disciplines with children. A tree, or human, planted by the streams of living water cannot bear bad fruit.  

Any fruit talk always invokes our inner fruit inspector. The greatest danger this stream has for children is that overzealous parents may want to drown them in “holiness.” We as parents must let go of that ever-pressing desire to present perfect children. Holding tightly onto outcomes is a relationship killer. When we focus on outcomes, it leads to unending condemnation for our children. Choice is a characteristic of the Imago Dei in us, and we are invited into the freedom that our children cannot be puppeted.  Correction that leads to restoration, not alienation, is useful, but by far holiness is grown in our hearts through connection with the Trinity. Holiness is a state of being that leads to a state of doing.  

The Door in the WallMarguerite de Angeli, The Door in the Wall, (New York: Yearling, 1977). by Marguerite de Angeli is an engaging chapter book that takes the readers through the growing goodness of its main character Robin. Robin was born a noble, but after war and illness finds himself leaning on the goodness of others. It is in this state of neediness that Robin learns what true nobility means. 

04.  The Charismatic Tradition: Jesus Works with the Holy Spirit

In the same way we can’t puppet our children, we cannot puppet the Spirit to do as we will. This is quite unfortunate when I’m trying to get the children I govern to clean their room. Omnipotent power would be a handy way to get things done. Thankfully, the Trinity is in charge, not me. Instead of control, the Holy Spirit invites engagement with us and our children. Indeed, the Holy Spirit was in pursuit of relationship even before a child’s existence. The sheer fact of their existence is proof of pursuit. The baby that lies in her bed and coos back to her Heavenly Nurse Maid is having her first conversations of love. What if that space for conversation were to remain open her entire lifetime?  

It is my firm belief that children can and do hear from God. Just like adults, children can learn to distinguish God’s voice from the many others that are clamoring for their attention.  It is our job to help them learn to hear. We begin by understanding that we listen and speak to God because we are in a relationship with him. All aspects of God’s character come from love, because God is love. God will never be rude or selfish or hateful, and he will never speak to us this way. Instead, his voice will be patient, kind, not bragging or prideful, not rude or self-seeking, not easily irritated, keeping no record of wrongs, not delighting in evil, but rejoicing with truth.1 Corinthians 13:4–7. When the Holy Spirit convicts us, it isn’t through separation. We aren’t belittled or called names; instead we are invited into reconciliation.   

Another way we can distinguish the voice of God is by the way it sounds. God’s sound leads and invites us, instead of driving or pushing us. His words bring peace, love and joy, not anger or worry.  We will be more hopeful, not hopeless. We will be more understanding, rather than irritable. Practically we learn this by meditating on 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and Psalm 23. As a family we can memorize and role-play these passages. Play is a natural form of meditation. Invite children to take some ordinary blocks and draw the characters in Psalm 23 on the blocks. Read it together as a family each night for a week or two while playing with the blocks, talking about what the Shepherd does, as well as how the sheep feel.  

I love the book The Wind by Monique Felix.Monique Felix, The Wind (Mankato, MN: Creative Editions, 2012).  It helps us to understand that like the wind, we can’t see the Holy Spirit, but we can see the effects of the Holy Spirit. When we feel comforted, we know he’s been there. When we are able to let someone else have their way, instead of choosing what we want, those are Holy Spirit footprints in our lives.  

05.  Social Justice Tradition: Jesus Loves Others

This stream is the integration of our life with God into our life with others. It is a completely natural process of capillary action. Whatever we are on the inside moves outward and affects those around us. The greatest social context we will ever be a part of is our family. Loving the ones we live with is the logical first and best place to begin. Justice in a family might look like being “the first to show respect to the other, supporting with greatest patience one another’s weakness of body or behavior, and earnestly competing in obedience to one another.”The Rule of St. Benedict (Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 1982), 72.

While cleaning the loft in our log home, I came across misspelled spelling words, which some lovely fruit of my womb carved on our log walls. The pocketknife at eight years old was perhaps a mistake. My temper flared.  In this my transformational state, reacting would only insure that I hurt myself and others. The invitation was instead, to take a moment, maybe at our family altar, and reflect on the immense love of God. The greatest good for my children is to correct, but not through anger, nor alienation, but through reconciliation. Reconciliation might include the child sandpapering the afflicted log, removal of pocketknife use for a period of time, accompanied by love and second chances.  

When we are just with our children, we shape their understanding of a just God and a just world. Much of today’s talk of justice is based on the definition that justice is “everyone gets the same thing,” which couldn’t be farther from the truth of the kingdom. Justice in the kingdom of God is everyone gets what they need. In our home, that may translate into Child A getting a pocketknife at eight, and Child B getting it at nine. Both we ourselves and our children push against the truth of kingdom justice, because we still aren’t sure God has our best interest in mind. Adam and Eve had this problem in the garden.  

We can’t will ourselves or our children into the belief that God is just. We must experience his justice. Those experiences might include creating a month long Alleluia List. Begin writing down five things your family is thankful for; add new blessings to the list daily for a month. This simple practice grounds our everyday lives in the rich soil of trust in God, which is where justice begins. 

Children are made in the Image of God and have been given dominion. When we invite children to look for ways to extend the justice of God by giving others what they need, we tap into His image. We begin by teaching them to look for needs. Does Dad need help folding the laundry? Is there a classmate who needs help with Math or making friends? By helping, they extend the justice of God.  

Look at the world with your children and process the justice you see. Compare and contrast examples of God’s justice and the justice of our culture. 

December by Eve BuntingEve Bunting, December (Orlando, FL: Harcourt Books, 1997). is a wonderful book to read with children during the season of Advent. Ask as a family, “How can we be the angel of God and meet needs around us?” The Secret of Saying Thanks by Douglas WoodDouglas Wood, The Secret of Saying Thanks (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2005). gives us a starting place for being thankful, and rooting that thankfulness in our trustworthy and just God. 

06.  Evangelical Tradition: Jesus Brings Good News

Steeping our lives in the life of Christ found in the Bible is reliably good news. A growing mind centers on Jesus through a steady diet of the Gospels. If we want our children to develop the character of Sponge Bob, we immerse them in the life of Sponge Bob. If we want our children to develop the character of Jesus, we immerse them in the life of Jesus. 

Much of what we are exposed to is bad news. As Christians we have genuinely good news. “People matter more than things” is the chant we sing to our children. To love God and love others is our creed. We live by it. Our values are the values of Jesus. In him we live and move and have our being.  

One fall, winter and spring I undertook the discipline of memorizing Scripture. To be specific I wanted to memorize Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount.Matthew 5–7. Several challenges presented themselves. First I’m a terrible memorizer, and second I have children therefore I have no time. Fortunately technology and togetherness solved both problems. I set about the task of recording my children reading the sermon on my MP3 player. In our effort to get each word correct, which meant reading and rereading, laughing and making background noises, like sounds of great anguish when Jesus speaks about the log in our eye—we memorized the passage. We loved to hear their voices on the player, so we listened in the car, while cooking dinner, and before bed. Through fun and delight the words worked themselves into us. The vernacular of the sermon is still slowly becoming ours, his thoughts our thoughts, his mind our mind. 

What if we spent one year as a family marking our lives by the life of Jesus? Gertrud Mueller Nelson, To Dance with God: Family, Ritual, and Community Celebration (Mahwah, NJ: Paulist Press, 1986). An insightful and beautifully written book about living the Season of the Church at home with children. Living the seasons of the church is a great way to set our life rhythm to the rhythm of Jesus. The seasons follow a pattern of preparation, celebration, and then living out what we have prepared for and celebrated. Each season has scripture passages that correspond with the life of Jesus. During Advent, we prepare for Jesus coming in a human body to human people. At Christmastide, we celebrate this reality, and during Epiphany, we become the hands and feet of Jesus himself. In Lent, we prepare for our own death and the death of Jesus. At Eastertide, we celebrate that he died, is risen, and us with him. Then during Pentecost and Kingdomtide, we live out his resurrection and ours through the power of the Holy Spirit.  

We are meant to live seasonally. Who can feast all the time without becoming a glutton? Who can fast or mourn all the time without losing their mind? When our days lose the gift of thankfulness and celebration, we become a depressed and dying people. As the physical seasons set the rhythm of the earth, so the church season can set our rhythm to the rhythm of Christ.  

Another way to root our children in the life of Jesus is to introduce them to the Scriptures in a way they can read and understand themselves. I really like the Jesus Storybook Bible, by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Jago.Sally Lloyd-Jones and Jago, The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2007). The art is beautiful and the words are sound. Recently these same creators came out with a devotional book for children called, Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing.Sally Lloyd-Jones, Thought to Make Your Heart Sing (Grand Rapids, MI: Zonderkidz, 2013).

07.  Incarnational Tradition: Jesus Lives His Life with God

The good news Jesus brings to children is the news of a whole person salvation. He is deeply interested in healing all their parts. Their mind, their emotions, their bodies, and their spirits are all parts that are included in Jesus’ invitation to enter into the kingdom.  As if we didn’t quite understand God’s first proclamation of, “It’s good,” Jesus came to earth and made the point clear. When he squeezed his Divinity into a human body God proclaimed, “This body is good!” When Jesus cried over the death of Lazarus, the proclamation continued, “These emotions are good.” Jesus, the guy who understood particle physics so clearly he could multiply matter, proclaimed, “The mind is good.” There wasn’t one part of Jesus’ personhood that didn’t live with God. The good news for children is that they too are invited into the kingdom with all their parts. Integration of these parts into the kingdom is the integration of the secular and the sacred. When all our parts are in the kingdom, it’s all sacred.  

We open the space for integration of the body by embracing the wiggliness of children. We let them dance during the music at church. Children haven’t learned to hide their emotions behind their bodies. So if they are feeling the love of God, they are likely to want to dance a jig. Running and jumping and playing and getting dirty are tools for the spiritual discipline of study in the life of a child. As much as possible get them outside to practice!  

We help children integrate their emotions by engaging emotions when they are genuine, and overlooking emotions when children try to use them to manipulate us. Screaming like a banshee in the check-out line at the grocery store because I won’t buy chemically colored sugar goop is manipulation. If I lean into this emotion, I get sucked in and end up manipulating right back. “Just quit screaming and I’ll get you the goop.” Or, “If you don’t stop screaming when we get home you’re in big trouble, buster!” 

A child crying because he got left out of a soccer game at school is in genuine pain. At those times, we acknowledge the hurt and hold our child. Even when our children express anger at their perceptions of injustice, we embrace the emotion and help walk them through what real justice is all about. We lean in and embrace emotion.  

As a new mother, there was no other way but parts integration. Our second child refused to sleep through the night for nine months. Since I was up, I learned to pray the Daily Office starting with the Night Office. The Daily Office is known by a few names. Phyllis Tickle calls them the Divine Hours. Phyllis Tickle has a children’s version of the Daily Office called, This Is What I Pray Today: Divine Hours Prayers for Children (New York: Dutton Children’s Books. 2007). I was too sleep deprived to think my own thoughts, and it was a comfort knowing that somewhere around the world other Christians were praying with me. It was a wonderful habitual practice of the body that formed my spirit. When I switched to the Day Office, my children joined me. I had been having what evangelicals call a “quiet time,” complete with Bible reading and journaling. But with two small children, I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone. There was no chance for quiet Bible reading, and I couldn’t write a grocery list, much less a journal entry. As a result, whatever spiritual practice I entered into, they did too. I learned to pray and so did they.  

This integration keeps our faith real, not just spirit or mind, but body as well. As parents, teachers, grandparents, and pastors, we have good news to deliver. God’s grand proclamation is that life with him is good, and all the wiggly, sticky, happy, snappy, skippy, slimy parts are included!   

Footnotes

Lacy Finn Borgo has a master’s degree in Education. She has taught in both public and private schools, has written picture books, and has authored curricula. Lacy is a graduate of the Renovaré Institute for Christian Spiritual Formation. She writes and teaches for the Renovaré Children and Families division. She has two children and one husband and really likes them.

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