Twenty years ago, she stood before me, her eyes pleading for wisdom, insight, anything to rescue her from her fate. She was desperate and had come to me for words of life, for the key that would free her from the isolation and helplessness she was experiencing in her relationship with God. Her story, a story all too familiar to me, involved coming to a dead end, to a brick wall in her Christian life. Jesus had left the building and was nowhere to be found.Greg L. Hawkins and Cally Parkinson, Reveal: Where Are You? (Barrington, IL: Willow Creek Resources, 2007), 47. Reveal Study Insight: The Reveal Study (a study conducted by Willow Creek from 2004–2007 involving over ten thousand surveys, seven churches, with the goal of taking the pulse of the church) found that “[m]ore than 25 percent of those surveyed described themselves as spiritually ‘stalled’ or ‘dissatisfied’ with the role of the Church in their spiritual growth.”

The practices that had been so dear to her, so life giving, were dry as dust. Those specials places of connection with God, those times of receiving consolation from God were gone—dried up—and she was left wondering in a barren wasteland, lost and alone. She felt abandoned, forsaken of God, even in danger of losing her faith. As she stood before me, her despair was palpable. Here I was, a seminary student, her adult Sunday School teacher, but I did not know what to say.

I used the meager tools at my disposal in an attempt to help free her from her living hell. I asked about her quiet time, her involvement in a small group, any habitual sin, church attendance, and service to the community in hopes of uncovering the magical ingredient that might be missing from what I knew of the “recipe” of faith. With each question I could see her countenance fall and tears well up in her eyes. I was not helping. She had considered all this, and I had nothing else, nothing new for her to grab hold of. I prayed for her and promised to continue to pray for her. I had nothing more to offer. We both left that time with troubled hearts. What was wrong? Where was God?Reveal Study Insight: The Reveal research strongly suggested that the church’s influence declines in influence as people grow spiritually (Reveal, 44).

Fast forward two-and-half-decades. Last week a man came to me in the same situation as the woman mentioned above. He, too, was desperate, nearing hopelessness, but this time the conversation went much differently, and he left encouraged, even excited. He knows he still has an arduous and likely long path ahead of him that will continue to be disorientating, and at times disconcerting, but we both ended our time together hopeful, thankful to God even in this midst of a very difficult time. The difference between these two encounters is that I learned something in those intervening decades. I learned something we tend to take for granted, and because we take it for granted, we do not think through the implications of the simple and undeniable truth that Christians grow spiritually.

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01.  We Are Growing

We find testimony regarding the truth of our growing faith relationship with God throughout the Bible, especially in the New Testament. The apostle Paul speaks of his own faith in terms of a child becoming an adult (1 Corinthians 13:11). He also expected followers of Jesus to grow:

 

And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, for you are still fleshly (1 Corinthians 3:1–3, NASBScripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org), emphasis added).

 

Other New Testament writers echo this expectation that the followers of Jesus would be growing in their faith.

 

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil (Hebrews 5:12–14, NASB, emphasis added).

Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord (1 Peter 2:1–3, NASB, emphasis added).

 

The apostle John continues this emphasis on growing faith by designating three distinct groupings of individuals in 1 John 2:12–14: those who are children, those who are young in faith, and those who are mature in faith. John writes to them in accordance to their spiritual level of maturity.

These passages show that the writers of the New Testament expected Jesus’ followers to develop spiritually over time. They seem surprised and even irritated when that was not the case. More importantly, they adjusted the way they interacted with people based on the stage of their faith development; to some giving “milk,” to others offering “solid food.”

In reflecting on how we grow as Christians, Robert Mulholland shares this insight; “Spiritual growth is, in large measure, patterned on the nature of physical growth. We don’t expect to put an infant into its crib at night and in the morning find a child, an adolescent or yet an adult. We expect that infant to grow into maturity according to a process that God has ordained for physical growth to wholeness. The same thing is true for the spiritual life.”M. Robert Mulholland Jr., Invitation to a Journey (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993), 21.

Just as people grow physically by passing through various stages, each calling for assorted strategies to foster ongoing growth, this is also true in our spiritual journey with Jesus. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, involves various stages. Each stage has its unique characteristics, and each necessitates a certain mode of interaction to help foster and enhance the growth that is occurring at each stage.

This may not be astonishing to you, but it has profound implications for our understanding of spiritual development. If we can understand, name, and appreciate what is happening in terms of a person’s spiritual growth, then we may be able to come alongside others with perspective, suggestions, and insights that may help them lean into what God is doing in their life. We can give them hope and not have to stand before someone, as I did with that young woman, having nothing to offer.

I share all this not only as a spiritual director who has studied this topic to help others, but also as one who found himself in the same place as the woman who stood before me twenty years earlier. I had felt stalled and dissatisfied with my journey with Jesus. I had hit a wall, and it was not budging. I knew I was not living the abundant life that Jesus had promised to me, and this was very troubling, perhaps even more so because I was the senior pastor of a church. I prayed, read the Bible, and found little help. I eventually started reading outside my normal scope of writers and discovered a whole new world filled with truths regarding what it means to follow Jesus and to grow in Christ. Eventually I was exposed to something rather new: faith stage development.Reveal Study Insight: What is intriguing to me is that one of the findings of the Reveal Study was the existence of a continuum of spiritual growth. “But there is a spiritual continuum that is very ‘predictive’ and ‘powerful’” (Reveal, 33). This is not something they set out to discover but was clearly present within the data they analyzed. The continuum that emerged delineated four distinct groupings or stages very similar to Faith Stage Development theory.

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02.  Faith Stage Development

I have found a general understanding of the stages of faith to be helpful to giving words to what is happening in one’s life. This is especially true when it feels like we are losing our way, that God has deserted us, that our tried and true practices leave us frustrated, discouraged, and perplexed. Understanding some of the overarching components within the stages of faith can helps us to realize our experience is a normal phase of spiritual development. This phase is to be welcomed, as it is an invitation from God to go deeper with God to a place of greater freedom to be and become who God has created us to be and become. Additionally, an awareness of faith stages can help determine what spiritual practices and styles of prayer may be most appropriate to our current faith stage. I believe these types of questions are often not even considered by those in spiritual formation circles. Faith stage development provides a framework to help others who are traversing the so-called desert experiences, dark nights of their faith. It can normalize their journey by providing hope, encouragement, and support as they journey through this time of transition.

James Fowler pioneered the study of the stages of faith,James W. Fowler, Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1995). bringing together theology and developmental psychology in a very helpful and illuminating way. Although not specifically Christian, this book has significant implications for one’s journey with Jesus. There are six stages that make up the stages of faith paradigm—six unique ways that an individual knows/interacts with their self and their environment. Now, before presenting an overview of the stages of faith, I have listed for you some truisms regarding the stages.

The stages of faith can be nicely divided into two halves, each half containing unique characteristics that play out in each of the individual stages within the larger section.

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03.  Key Characteristics of Stages 1–3

• Authority located outside one’s self.
• Strong ties to a group and loyalty to their beliefs and practices.
• Experience of God is tied to trusted external authorities (Pastors, mentors, peer group, etc.).
• A lack of self-awareness and an inability to access internal experience.
• No individuation—identity is a byproduct of the group belonging.
• Tacitly held values, moral code.
• Black/white—either/or

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04.  Key Characteristics of Stages 4–6

• Authority comes from within.
• Ability to entertain different ideas, thoughts, experiences.
• God experienced in terms of my God and not our God—possibility of an I/Thou relationship.
• Development of internalized values, beliefs.
• Ability to be self-aware, to sense, name, and embrace internal movements.
• Both-and thinking now possible.

 

Stages 4–6 differ from Stages 1–3 in that: (1) authority resides internally, (2) the ability to be self-aware, the existence of an “I” outside of a group identity is now possible, and (3) black-and-white thinking gives way to both-and thinking. These differences are significant, and thus the chasm between Stages 3 and 4 is greater than any other stage. It is h-u-g-e. So it is not surprising that this is the most traumatic and demanding of the transitions. Sadly this is a transition most churches, or the average small group, are ill prepared to make room for, let alone accompany someone through.

A chief reason for this is that churches are generally geared to people in Stages 1–3, and the presence of those transitioning to Stage 4 can be frightening to those in Stages 1–3. This includes the leadership of the church. James Fowler found that “many religious groups reinforce a conventionally held and maintained faith system (Stages 1–3), sanctifying one’s remaining in the dependence on external authority and derivative group identity of Stage 3.”Fowler, 178. This coincides with the findings of the Reveal study. The woman and man who came to see me were in the transition between Stages 3 and 4 (which is akin to the dark night of the soul). It is this transition that will now become our focus, with the hope that it may equip you to have an answer for your own life journey or to share with those who come to you looking for help.

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05.  A Brief Description of Stage 3 and Stage 4

Stage 3 is a “conformist stage. This stage is acutely tuned to the expectations and judgments of significant others. The person, at this stage, does not have a grasp of their own identity outside of their group identity. In order to maintain their standing in the community, those in this stage repress emotions that could be divisive, especially anger, and seek to personify being a ‘nice person.’ They are firmly entrenched in black and white, either/or thinking. While beliefs and values are deeply felt, they are tacitly held.”Fowler 172–73. Those in this stage tend to image God as transcendent and can easily become permanently dependent on what Sharon Parks has called the “tranny of the they.” Fowler, 154.

Stage 4 occurs in the inner journey at the self-aware level.Elizabeth Liebert, Changing Life Patterns (St. Louis: Chalice Press, 2000), 99. Fowler writes this stage “has two essential features… the critical distancing from one’s previous assumptive value system and the emergence of an executive ego.”Fowler, 182. The executive ego is an internalized sense of “I,” a self-differentiated from the “they” of Stage 3. In this stage a new sense of self (identity) arises, with the ability to be self-reflective, and an internalized worldview is formed. Rules are internalized, self -valuated, and chosen, and there is a growing “flexibility regarding rules and relationships with others and oneself.”Liebert, 101. The transcendence of God found in Stage 3 is replaced with an image of God with me. “God becomes my God, God within.”Liebert, 110. During this stage individuals can become dissatisfied with their church, even blaming their perceived “dysfunction” of the church for what they are going through. Additionally, it is not uncommon for them to blame God and/or themselves.

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06.  The Transition

The transitional period between Stages 3 and 4 is a time of extreme upheaval and disorientation. These individuals are moving from a tacit belief in the values of their church, moving away from external authority as their guide. They are entering into a time of spiritual adolescence, acting out, disregarding, even possibly attacking hallowed authority figures, and the established rules and practices of their church. They appear threatening to others and are very confusing to people firmly grounded in Stage 3. In fact those in Stage 3 will often doubt, question, and attack the faith of these individuals. This can occur within the context of a marriage, a small group, or the church. Those making this transition often become the targets of “prayer requests” and other socially acceptable practices of gossip and shunning.

All this adds to the bewilderment and pain those in transition are already feeling. They are becoming undone. Even with a caring friend or spiritual director (and many come for spiritual direction during such times), those in transition feel confused, frightened, frustrated, and disorientated. All they know is that what used to work doesn’t and that their spiritual hormones are raging. There is a tectonic shift taking place that impacts the landscape of one’s very soul and also sends shock waves through an entire community, especially one’s small group or intimate community.

One possible consequence of the marginalization by their previous group during this transition is that the individual does not make it through their desert experience. Much like the Israelites in Exodus, many don’t make it to the Promised Land of Stage 4. In fact studies indicate that the modal level for the adult American population is halfway between Stage 3 and Stage 4.Liebert, 48. This is a result, I believe, of a lack of understanding of what is taking place in a person’s life during this time.

This transition is not easy, and neither is it quick, for it can take five to seven years.Fowler, 181. It can occur in the thirties, forties, and fifties. It can be precipitated by changes in primary relations, such as going away to school, a divorce, death of one or both parents, and children growing up and leaving home. It can also result from the challenges of moving or changing jobs, or the experience of the breakdown or inadequacy of one’s Stage 3 context. “When this transition occurs later [in life] it often brings greater struggle,” writes Fowler.Fowler, 181. During this transition people need others who can provide a safe environment to process their experience, explore their new thoughts, and do so in a safe space that is free from the judgment of those who may feel threatened by the changes taking place. Those who are experiencing this transition can feel abandoned, distrusted, and even dismissed by those they had have previously viewed as significant individuals in their lives.

While the church is often not helpful in this time of transition, Liebert expresses hope that it could be: “I believe the Church could play a significant role in assisting with this transition from external authority to internal authority… it has more typically fostered conformity to a cohesive social system and hierarchically ordered authority.”Liebert, 69.

My hope is that this brief exposure to the stages of faith will create a desire within you to learn more about these stages so you can be prepared when someone in the midst of such a transition comes to you desperate for understanding and wisdom. We can then be ready to share life-affirming truth that will lead to freedom, hope, and encouragement.

The difference between the conversations I had with the woman and the man was that I was able to tell the man that he was in a transition, one that was long and grueling, yet a wonderful transition of moving from a place where he uncritically held onto all that he had been told by others into a time of questioning rules and authority, a time of testing and trying, a time of disorientation when the things of old no longer work in the same way. While the new had not yet emerged, he was entering into a time of developing a sense of self apart from others, a time that God can become “my God” in ways never before possible. The old was passing away, and the new was emerging. As I spoke with him, his countenance brightened as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His journey would still be challenging in ways he could not even imagine, but he left knowing that God was transforming him into someone not previously possible for him to become. He left knowing that he was in a process, and his major role was to trust God and trust the process while continuing to enter into and embrace the new realities while grieving what was being lost. As he left our meeting I, too, was encouraged and thankful that over the years I had acquired the truth that helped set him free. I also felt a wave of sadness as I remembered back to where I was standing in the west enclave of the church on that Sunday morning so many years ago, speaking with that young woman and not having the words or the knowledge to share with her. I wonder how many like her are spread throughout Christendom longing to know what is happening to them, people who would benefit from the knowledge gleaned from the stages of faith. Christ, have mercy.