This article begins with the author reflecting on a photograph of her mother. She was her mother’s age at the time the photo was taken. The awareness of time and the slow fading of youth has confronted Paula as she reflects on her mother’s journey, as she stares down the precipice of her own aging. Her words paint an honest picture of aging, and she doesn’t sugarcoat the harsh realities it may bring; wrinkles, changes to physical abilities, loneliness, and possibly the terminal illness of early widowhood. Those words jar my own reckoning with the fear I have of aging due to experiencing the loss of a parent in my twenties, and my mother’s own early widowhood. In contrast to the lens of denial that is so tempting to put on, Ms. Hutson offers a clear and biblical response to the myths that culture offers us when it comes to aging. “We can deliberately open our eyes to the reality that awaits us, no matter how daunting it appears to be. We can remind ourselves of our real purpose here on earth: to be ‘servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God’ (1 Corinthians 4:1).” She also offers practical steps for the Christian who desires to embrace the joy and fulfilment that is ours to receive, as we journey with God in the second half of life.
While there is mystery in the season of aging, society prefers denial in the form of two well-known myths. The first is that the signs of aging are preventable, even avoidable. Hutson says, “The first myth, clearly corporately-sponsored, encourages me to spend a lot of money on health supplements, gym memberships, plastic surgery, and hormone replacement therapy.” The second myth assures us that the older we get, the wiser, the more powerful and more fascinating we become. “Underlying each [myth],” Hutson states, “is the same unquestioned modern belief: the purpose of life is to get what I most want before I die. Postponing aging buys me the time to do that.”
Modern society insists that one “must avoid aging at all costs. . . . [and] live as there is no death,” Hutson says. The cultural norm is that as we age, we must strive and continue to hustle in order to obtain what we desire and achieve self-actualization. The irony of this myth clashes with the reality of aging—we just don’t have the stamina or passion to keep up with these “consoling illusions,” Hutson references philosopher Iris Murdoch.
The author describes the path that one ends up on when pursuing the fruitless quest for happiness. Human beings have been taking this detour since Eden; it is not how we were designed to live, nor how our souls find the eternal peace we were created for. She describes the “ ‘enviable and the admirable life,’ ” and says that it is the “admirable life that calls out of us what is highest and best and most satisfying.” I like how Robert Rife summarizes this essay in his reflection for the Conversation Guide section in this issue. “We must not be deceived into believing that chronosxrónos – time (in general), especially viewed in sequence (a “succession of moments”); time in duration in the physical-space world, sovereignly apportioned by God to each person. Bible Hub, “5550. chronos,” accessed May 29, 2029, https://biblehub.com/greek/5550.htm. equals kairos,kairós – time, season, opportunity; time as opportunity. Bible Hub, “2540. kairos,” accessed May 29, 2029, https://biblehub.com/greek/2540.htm.that age promises wisdom. We must choose to thrive, not just survive, old age.”
Hutson offers several spiritual disciplines of aging that might give us the strength to withstand the pervasive negative attitude toward this inevitable season of life. As I read over the list of disciplines she includes, I was reminded of the mature men and women I’ve encountered who embody these characteristics. I’m taken back to one of the most formative places of my childhood, the supper table at my grandparents’ house. I think about what good listeners my grandparents were as the family gathered around their table so many times in my childhood. The conversation over those family meals shaped my own understanding of family dynamics, history, and even politics. They listened as their opinionated children and grandchildren shared their take on current events, and occasionally the room would quiet for the hard-earned wisdom they offered from their experience growing up in the depression, serving in World War II, and raising a family in the south. Their experience of God throughout their lives influenced them to demonstrate love in delighting and caring for their family. That type of steady, secure love and the memories of my grandparents delight in me, sustain me to this day. I witnessed my grandmother befriend the stranger as she delivered home-cooked meals weekly through the Meals on Wheels program. By bringing me along, she was practicing the discipline of generating and sowing seeds of faith for the future.
Paula Hutson identifies one major benefit of practicing these disciplines,
The classic afflictions of old age . . . do not hold up well under this onslaught of virtuous practices. Yet it is important to remember that none of these practices is about achievement, or even about self-improvement in the sense that we are striving to become “better.” Instead, these quiet, daily disciplines can help transform us into . . . “ordinary mystics”: typical people . . . who nevertheless live in the continual presence of God.
Find a journal, or a friend, and reflect on the questions below:
- Do you sometimes catch yourself succumbing to cultural temptations toward “bettering yourself” or “avoiding signs of aging”? Share how this article might change your outlook on how to approach aging as a follower of Christ.
- An excerpt on the discipline of acceptance from the author’s book, A Season of Mystery: 10 Spiritual Practices for Embracing a Happier Second Half of Life, is included at the end of the article. What comes up for you when you read about accepting the inevitability of death? Does the notion of hyper-productivity to avoid emotional turmoil resonate with you?
- Reflect on the disciplines of aging: listening, delighting, lightening, settling, confronting, appreciating, befriending, generating, blessing. Who do you know that embodies one or more of those virtues? How has their practice of that virtue influenced you? How has it influenced your own view for the second half of life?
- Spend a few minutes listening to this song, Wisdom and Grace (Psalm 90) by Sandra McCracken. May the words be a prayer you can offer today.