01. Exercise One
Take some time to reflect prayerfully on your exterior self.
This is the one you show to the world, the way you speak, the way we dress. Ask for the light you need to distinguish between where this exterior self has its place and where our falseness hinders real friendship and relationship. Share with the Lord these reflections and listen to what the Lord may be saying to you.
Reflection: After this time of reflection and conversation with the Lord, make a few notes of how it was for you doing this.
02. Exercise Two
Take some time to reflect prayerfully on your actual present self.
Our present self consists of our gifts – those things we do well, talents that others appreciate about us, activities that bring us alive. In our present self, there are also a variety of fears, anxieties, and insecurities. Often, we keep these fears hidden and do not talk about them. Then there are our hurts, our wounds, our pain, our tears. As we get older it can be profoundly healing to acknowledge these and to share them with the Lord and a trusted companion. Another aspect of who we are is our sinful tendencies. These are our expressions of our self-centeredness, our selfishness, our egocentricity. Finally, there are those powerful instinctual drives of our anger and sexuality. Both these can be channeled creatively, or they can lead to much heartache and tragedy.
Attending to our uniqueness always involves embracing and welcoming those aspects of our present self that we tend to ignore. Even though others may be aware of these parts of our lives, we are often unaware of them. Usually, the parts of our lives we ignore involve feelings of shame. Or they are parts of our lives that conflict with what we would like others to think about us. They could be our competitive self, our procrastinating self, our deceitful self, our lustful self, our playful self, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes one clue to our ignored self may be what we find most irritating about others!
Attending to these different aspects of our present self, and truly accepting them, frees us to show up in the world as the unique person we are. It also helps us relate more non-judgmentally to others around us. Most of all, it brings our relationship with God alive for us. We come to God as we are or not at all.
Take some time to share with the Lord your reflections upon your present self and to listen to what the Lord may be saying to you.
Reflection: After your time of reflection and prayer, make a few notes of how it was for you to do this.
03. Exercise Three
Take some time to reflect prayerfully on the mystery of your becoming self.
This is who God has created us to be. The good news of our faith is that, as we bring as much of what we know about our selves to Christ, God gradually weaves all the threads of our one life into the unique person God wants us to be. In this way we co-operate with God in the ongoing transformation of our heart and mind into God’s family likeness. Using the language of Paul, we are working out our salvation with fear and trembling. (Phil 2:12) Hidden within us in Christ is the wondrous beauty of our uniqueness that God wants us to shine for the sake of others. We are all on the road towards becoming this unique expression of God’s love.
We need to remember that this is not a self-improvement job! Nor is it something we achieve by own efforts or by trying.
On the one hand, we go on this journey as we open our whole lives to the gifts of human love and friendship.
On the other hand, we go on this journey as we open our whole lives to the wonder of God’s love for us, and as we bring all of who we are to the living Christ who weaves all that we are into who God wants us to be.
In summary, we become who God wants us to be by opening ourselves to the double love of God and those trusted companions around us. You may want to spend some time either in quiet or verbal prayer opening yourself to receive anew the gifts of God’s unconditional love and mercy.
Reflection: After your time of reflection and prayer, make a few notes of how it was for you to do this.
(I am grateful to Mark Gibbard SSJE for his work in this area. I take responsibility for what I have done with some of his key insights.)