Conversatio Divina

Part 4 of 10

Vainglory

Ali Male

Watch Chris Hall’s Overcoming Vainglory and Deceit with Transparency here.

This week Chris challenges us about vainglory; the need to create an impression. He reminds us that sooner or later, a lack of integrity catches up with somebody. Evagrius shows us that integrity is built in obscurity; in the unseen space when we are alone with God.   

 

Small Group Leaders: Equipment Required  

  1. A candle (optional) 
  2. A smooth round pebble big/small enough to hold easily in the palm of one hand 
  3. A device on which to play the video 
  4. A Bible 
  5. Paper and pens 
  6. A copy of the study guide and appendix to give to each group member at the end of the session 

01.  Part 1: Listen

  1. Take 2 minutes to sit in silence and to let go of the distractions of your day. (Light a candle if used).
  2. Watch the video. 
  3. Read the passages: Psalm 139:1–12, Luke 6:46–49, 1 John 1:5–9. 
  4. Take another 5 minutes in silence to digest what you heard. 
  5. Notice what resonated with you. 
  6. Notice what you resisted. 
  7. (Optional): Move around, stretch, take a comfort break, grab a drink.

02.  Part 2: Discuss

1. What did you hear? 

The study group leader picks up the pebble and shares what resonated and what brought up resistance. One sentence for each. No comments, no questions. The study group leader then passes the pebble to their neighbor.   

When a group member is holding the pebble, it is their turn to share if they want to—everyone should be given the courtesy of being listened to without judgment or comment but remember, one sentence for each. If a group member does not wish to share anything then they can simply pass the pebble to their neighbor.Some people may not be comfortable passing an object around the group. You may want to provide hand sanitizer for everyone to use before and/or after touching the pebble. However, please also feel free to find more creative ways to pass on the right-to-share-without-interruption.

 

2. What are you thinking?  

After you have all had the chance to share your initial impressions you can open up the group for discussion.   

  • Do you ever feel that you need to create an impression in order to be loved? How do you react to the idea that God wants you to be more like you!

Note to leader: It may be hard for some participants to admit the answer to this question. You might want to discuss in pairs rather than in the big group, or even just have everyone use the pen and paper to write it down. 

  • Chris says that young people long to run into people whose lives ring true. What is it about authenticity that is so attractive? 
  • Where in your life to you make room for silence, slowing down, and stability? Which do you find most difficult and why? Are you being completely honest with yourself in your answer? 

 

3. Reflecting on Scripture  

There are so many examples of leaders who have fallen from their pedestals. Every public humiliation has its roots in a personal moral failure—as Evagrius discovered to his cost.    

We return to a reading and a question from the introduction. Psalm 139 implies that the truth we run from is already known to God. Does that knowledge make you feel more or less vulnerable?  

We are all so familiar with the parable of building a house on the rock or the sand.  

We teach it to our children—but how do we actually build on the rock? What does it look like on a day-to-day practical level? 

Finish by reading 1 John 1:5–9. 

 

Psalm 139:1–12All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me. 

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar. 

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways. 

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely. 

5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me. 

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. 

 

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence? 

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea, 

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast. 

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,” 

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. 

 

Luke 6:44–49 

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. 48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49 But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” 

 

1 John 1:5–9 

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

03.  Part 3: Practice

(Discuss your experiences in the group; then you are invited to try the practices at home before the next session. Please take a copy of the study guide with you as a reminder) 

Here are some ideas; do as you can, not as you can’t: 

 

Feedback 

Did you try any of the practices from the previous sessions? What was helpful? What wasn’t? 

 

Chris gives us three Ss: Silence, Slow down, Stability 

“Sometimes we need to quieten down enough to allow the reality of who we really are to rise to the surface.” 

Once more, I invite you to a daily practice of silence, solitude and stillness. 

Chris introduces another aspect of that practice in this session—stability. Chris defines this as “the willingness not to run when we discover who we really are.” 

 

A day without image management.  

Chris tells us that in the desert, Evagrius discovered the wonderful truth that he did not have to lie about who he was to create an impression on anyone. God loved him as a precious image bearer. 

Image management is all the things we do to try and get others to see us in a certain way. 

I invite you to read the list: Is there one that stands out as an ouch, or one not mentioned here but you know? If so, can you go a whole day without doing it? 

  • Bending the truth: “I am so sorry I was late; the traffic was terrible.”  
  • White lies: “I’d love to come but I have a previous engagement.” 
  • Name dropping: “Gary Moon has told me a million times not to name drop.” 
  • Justifying ourselves: “I am telling you this about X in confidence—and only for your prayers.” 

 

But also: 

  • Missing story time with the kids to bake for the cake sale—because store-bought won’t do 
  • Never wearing the same thing twice  
  • Never apologizing  
  • Over-promising 
  • Spending more than we can afford  

 

An Integrity Audit  

Chris asks, “How can I get to the place where the person that I am presenting to the world is the real thing?”  

In her book Glittering Vices, Rebecca DeYoung reminds us that “virtues and vices count as moral qualities. We can cultivate habits or break them down over time through our repeated actions. . . . Thus, as the Greek philosopher Aristotle puts it, we are ultimately responsible for our character.”Konyndyk DeYoung, Rebecca, Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins and Their Remedies. (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2009), 7.

I invite you to look back over the last week. Ask God to show you where you are lacking in integrity. Are you willing to confess and repent? Are you willing to pursue obscurity? 

Remember that God loves the real thing.  We are invited into a kingdom of love and hope and freedom. 

04.  Part 4: Finish

Have participants pray the following prayer together at the end of the session. 

 

Prayer of Yielding
Psalm 19:12–14  

12 But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression. 

14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. 

05.  Appendix: Vainglory and Enneagram Type 3

Vainglory is the besetting sin of the Enneagram type 3—we look at this in more detail below. However, image management is not confined to Threes and the challenge to act with integrity in this session applies to us all.  

Gabriel Garcia Marquez noted, “All human beings have three lives, public, private and secret.” Integrity requires that our values are constant across all three. Disgrace in the public arena has its roots in lack of integrity in our private lives, a misorientation of our secret hearts.  

Threes are part of the triad that makes decisions with their hearts (see the Appendix to Session 2). People, relationships, and image are important; shame comes easily. All three types in the heart triad manage their image.  

Twos construct an image that deserves to be loved and deny that they have needs.  

Fours construct an image of uniqueness and authenticity, but ironically, they are tempted to tailor how they present themselves according to the context.  

Looking more broadly, image management may not be such an issue for head or gut types but lack of integrity can show up in any of us. 

Fives value integrity but also have a basic desire to be seen as informed or competent. Therefore, they may be tempted to conceal or play down gaps in their knowledge. Furthermore, Fives are very selective in what they reveal to whom, so that no one knows everything about them—a form of image management. 

Sixes need to belong so may refuse to see or acknowledge any issues with their chosen gurus or organization or beliefs. They may also be deeply ashamed when they break the rules and tempted to a cover up. 

Sevens work hard to avoid pain so may fail to acknowledge problems, even to themselves. They want to keep as many options open as possible for as long as possible. This means that they find it hard to commit to one person, one job, one plan—something that may well look like lack of integrity to the other parties concerned. 

Eights desire to be in control to hide their own vulnerability. They find it easy to lie if necessary. 

Nines need to keep the peace and will downplay or ignore issues that threaten it. They bury the truth of who they are in order not to come in conflict with the needs and wants of those they love. 

Ones have a strong moral code and a desire to both be good and be seen to be good. One of their coping mechanisms is reaction formation. If their gut reaction to a person, or a request or a circumstance is not good, they manufacture a more socially acceptable response. Smiling while internally seething, for example. 

 

3: The Achiever/The Communicator/The Status Seeker 

Threes feel good about themselves if they are successful, if they’re winning. They believe that they have their finger on the pulse and would be disconcerted if you thought otherwise  

A Three might well say: 

“There must be a more efficient way of doing this.” 

A Three is unlikely to say: 

“Oh well, it’s the taking part that counts.”  

 

Threes are efficient and productive—they get things done. Competently. They are great leaders and intuitively know how to relate to people and get them on board. 

Threes are competitive, they want to succeed, to be the best, to be admired, and to be valued. They have a knack of being able to read a room and fit in with ease. They often know how to dress appropriately for any occasion. They try to counteract an inner feeling that they lack worth through recognition and respect. They gravitate toward the person with power in any situation. 

Threes need to avoid failure. This leads to the vice of the Threes which is deceit—rather vainglory or spin to use a political term—the reframing of everything to put them or their achievements in a positive light. 

When Threes are consumed with the need to win—because only winners deserve love—they lose sight of themselves and their aims. They may numb out pressure with food, drink, or drugs—a slide to the worst aspects of the Nine. They work hard but become less productive and more fearful of rejection. 

 

Hope for the Three comes from dimming the headlights and revealing themselves: 

  • Revealing themselves to themselves and recognizing their feelings 
  • Revealing themselves honestly to other people—including feelings and failure 
  • Revealing the lie that they are what they achieve. 

 

Threes can work on this by embracing the team-orientated Six: 

  • Slowing down, being present to themselves, others and their surroundings 
  • Noticing their image management strategies 
  • Practicing solitude, silence and stability (that is, the willingness not to run when we discover who we really are). 
  • Embracing the team, acknowledging the contribution of others 
  • Finding non-competitive ways of relaxing and exercising 

 

Threes have usurped God’s role in deciding what is worthy of them. “They have lost sight of the fact that in all things God works together for good and invites us to share in his work.”Widdows, Becky and Margi Walker, God-shaped people: UK Enneagram course.

When a Three opens up to the undeserved grace of God, they can accept the truth of who they are and act with integrity. When they grasp that their worth lies in the fact that they are truly loved for who they are—not what they achieve—then the virtue of honesty can grow.  

Virtuous Threes can love and serve God in their public, private, and secret lives. They feel sincere warmth and genuine concern for others, and radiate hope as they work to ensure, “Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10, KJVScriptures marked (KJV) are from the King James Version of the Bible.). 

Footnotes

Part 2 of 10
Read

Anger

Ali Male
Session 01
Part 3 of 10
Read

Pride

Ali Male
Session 02
Part 5 of 10
Read

Envy

Ali Male
Session 04
Part 6 of 10
Read

Greed

Ali Male
Session 05
Part 7 of 10
Read

Fear

Ali Male
Session 06
Part 9 of 10
Read

Lust

Ali Male
Session 08
Part 10 of 10
Read

Sloth

Ali Male
Session 09