Watch Chris Hall’s Overcoming Lust with Other-Centered Love here.
In this very practical session, Chris identifies the poison seeping from our pornified world, and offers the antidote of other-centered love.
Augustine was trapped in lust, his will was in chains but by God’s grace, he genuinely changed. Both Augustine and Abba Moses show us that it is possible to reorder our desires by cutting those chains of habitual thought.
Small Group Leaders: Equipment Required
1. What did you hear?
The study group leader picks up the pebble and shares what resonated and what brought up resistance. One sentence for each. No comments, no questions. The study group leader then passes the pebble to their neighbor.
When a group member is holding the pebble, it is their turn to share if they want to—everyone should be given the courtesy of being listened to without judgment or comment but remember, one sentence for each. If a group member does not wish to share anything then they can simply pass the pebble to their neighbor.Some people may not be comfortable passing an object around the group. You may want to provide hand sanitizer for everyone to use before and/or after touching the pebble. However, please also feel free to find more creative ways to pass on the right to share without interruption.
2. What are you thinking?
After you have all had the chance to share your initial impressions you can open up the group for discussion.
a. Do you struggle with disordered sexual desire? If so, can you be honest with yourself and identify your particular occasions of sin?
If lust is not an issue for you, can you identify any other area in life when you are tempted to use other people for your own advantage?
Note to leader: It may be hard for some participants to admit the answer to this question. You might want to discuss in pairs rather than in the big group, or even just have everyone use the pen and paper to write it down.
b. The American Baptist minister, Joseph Fort Newton, said:
Every man has a train of thought on which he rides when he is alone. The dignity and nobility of his life, as well as his happiness, depends upon the direction in which that train is going, the baggage it carries, and the scenery through which it travels.
How does one change trains?
3. Reflecting on Scripture
In his letters to the Corinthians, Paul urges us to both flee sexual immorality and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. In his letter to Philippians, we are urged to rejoice and give thanks. How are these exhortations connected?
Chris points out that women felt very safe in the presence of Jesus. He also suggests that intimacy and humanity are defenses against lust. Discuss.
How much can we change ourselves? What part does the Holy Spirit play?
Finish by reading 1 John 1:5–9.
1 Corinthians 6:18–20All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.
2 Corinthians 10:3–5
3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Philippians 4:4–8
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
1 John 1:5–9
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Discuss your experiences in the group, then try the new practices at home before the next session. Please take a copy of the study guide with you as a reminder.
Feedback
Did you try any of the practices from the previous session? What was helpful? What wasn’t?
Silence, Stillness, Stability, and Sabbath
Sometimes we fill our lives with noise and activity as a form of defense. Silence and solitude, slowing down and resting could be occasions for unwanted thoughts to intrude.
Has this been your experience?
Chris offers the following practices which may be helpful in breaking chains of behavior
Practice other-centered love
Concentrate on serving others rather than using others to serve you
Guard your thoughts.
Chris suggests keeping a journal and noting when and how unhealthy thoughts arise
A suggestion from me:
Interrupt unhelpful chains of thought.
Lust dehumanizes the other. In chapter 9, “Lust: Sexuality Stripped Down” from her book Glittering Vices,Konyndyk DeYoung, Rebecca, Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins and Their Remedies. (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2009), 203. Rebecca DeYoung suggests recognizing the object of your thoughts as a real person.
CS Lewis suggests turning your thoughts from the object to the passion itself. Analyzing your lust is a good way of killing it.
Find an experienced mentor.
Know yourself and avoid your occasions of sin.
Nurture innocence.
Choose what you read, watch, and listen to.
Work on self-control in other areas.
As we learn to control our anger, envy, appetite, and other disordered desires, perhaps with the help of our mentor, it will become easier to control our sexual desires.
Have participants pray the following prayer together at the end of the session.
Prayer of Yielding
It is my will to win over the whole world,
To overcome evil with good,
To turn hatred aside with love
To conquer all the forces of death.
Take, Lord and receive all of my liberty,
My memory and understanding
And my entire will,
All I have, all I call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.Ignatius of Loyola, as quoted in Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, Doug Calhoun, Clare Loughrige, and Scott Loughrige, Spiritual Rhythms for the Enneagram: A Handbook for Harmony and Transformation (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2019).
This session concentrated on disordered sexual desire, the lusting after bodies. Lust is the vice traditionally associated with type 8 on the Enneagram. However, it would be unfair to presume that this just refers to sex. The lust of the Eight is more a shamelessness, a willingness to use others to forward their own purposes, to live life intensely and on their own terms.
As mentioned before, Eights need to be in control in order to avoid being controlled. Another defense mechanism of the Eight is denial: denial of weakness and vulnerability. Both these defense mechanisms lead to insensitivity, making it easier to use and abuse others. The Eight is described in more detail below.
The defense mechanisms of each type are one way in which we all attempt control.
Nines dissociate from life by numbing themselves against pain or conflict—that might be through drugs or alcohol but may also be through movies, books, puzzles, books, eating, etc.
The trouble is that by sending themselves to sleep, they miss out on all of life.
Ones try to control how they are perceived—by themselves as much as by others—through reaction formation, acting as they think they ought, rather than as they really feel. This leads to the holding of tension in their bodies and becomes, quite literally, a pain in the neck.
Twos also repress; they repress their own needs and feelings in order to connect with and gain love and approval from others. Unfortunately, repressing needs does not equate with meeting them, and thus, neediness can become a problem for twos.
Threes attempt to control their world through gaining approval and in doing so often identify with an idealized image, becoming someone whom others admire. Over identification with an image, however, risks losing their real identity and not seeing their own true worth.
Fours take control through introjection. This means taking on board the reaction of others so completely that the reaction seems to come from inside rather than externally. In this way, it seems like there is more control over that reaction. The trouble is that Fours are better at internalizing criticism than praise, which reinforces the idea of being defective.
Fives withdraw from painful feelings by separating or isolating them from thoughts. They also separate out and compartmentalize different aspects of their lives. The problem is that this can leave them isolated, stuck in their minds, and unable to relate to emotions—their own and other peoples.
Sixes try to control their fear by projection and/or splitting. Projection works by attributing one’s own negative emotions to someone else, while splitting means a black-and-white separation of people, organizations, theologies, etc., into all good or all bad. Not only is this a gross distortion of reality, it can be very unhelpful in alleviating fear. Furthermore, a Six can include themselves in the bad category leading to a huge degree of guilt.
Sevens use rationalization to invent reasons to do what they wanted to think, feel, or do anyway. The problem with this is that it avoids looking at the real motivation behind the desire. Sevens are also good at idealization—seeing everything through rose-tinted spectacles—and avoiding reality.
8: The Challenger/The Protector/The Maverick
Eights feel good about themselves when they’re strong. They like to be in control and don’t really care what you think (or so they tell themselves).
An Eight might well say
anything they like, using colorful language
An Eight is unlikely to say:
“I’m Sorry.”
Eights are energetic, self-confident leaders who work hard and are not afraid to fight for what they think is right. Eights have a strong sense of justice and can be very protective toward the truly vulnerable. However, they need to be careful not to equate vengeance with justice.
Eights have a need to avoid weakness and dependency. They are often blunt and seem to thrive on conflict. They push against anything and everyone in order to find out who they can trust. They enjoy power and use it to get things done their way. The vice of the Eight is lust—going all out for what they want and shamelessly using others to ensure that they get it. The Eight seems to need to experience intensity to feel alive.
Unhealthy Eights reflect the worst aspects of a five in that they dismiss feelings, both their own and other people’s and neglect self-care. They can try to be a lone crusader but then react angrily if they perceive their efforts as unappreciated.
Hope comes for an Eight through opening up:
Eights can do this by:
It can also be very beneficial for Eights to take time out just to be, to enjoy nature, to take part in a retreat, meditation, or centering prayer.
Eights have usurped God’s authority, and they live by their own rules. Manufacturing invulnerability without reference to God. They have lost sight of the fact that God is strong and mighty to save. It is His work to save the world and he invites us into his workWiddows, Becky and Margi Walker, God-shaped people: UK Enneagram course.
When an Eight opens up to the truth of the undeserved grace of God, they begin to accept and reveal their own vulnerability. When they grasp that they are truly loved, they become people after God’s heart and the virtue of innocence, childlike trust, grows. Virtuous Eights keep the Lord ever before them, they learn restraint and develop tenderness toward themselves and other people.