Conversatio Divina

Helping Them Stay

Mature Believers and the Local Church

Ken Van Vliet
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Table of Contents

  1. 01.  Introduction
  2. 02.  Stages 1 – 3: Evangelism, Discipleship, and Service
  3. 03.  Stage 4 and The Wall: Making Room for Questions
  4. 04.  Stages 5 – 6: The Same, but Different

01.  Introduction

“I’m not sure why, but the church just doesn’t work for me anymore.” While she may not have realized or intended it, Susan“Susan” is not the real name of the person who spoke to me in my office. was putting voice to what she and many other faithful Christians are experiencing. They love Jesus. They want to grow. As evangelicals (or ex-evangelicals), they still desire to bring others into the kingdom. At the same time, the bible studies, service projects, and outreach opportunities that once compelled them in their early years of faith no longer do. They long for something “more,” but are unsure of what that “more” is. Some begin to wonder if they are “outgrowing” their faith. Others, for the first time in their lives, consider leaving the church.

To understand what’s going on with Susan and the countless others she represents, it is helpful to consider Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich’s insights regarding stages in the life of faith.Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich, The Critical Journey (Salem: Sheffield Publishing Company, 2005). Made popular by Peter Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Hagberg and Guelich’s research suggests that the journey of faith can be divided into six stages. While every faith journey is unique, and every model has its limitations, the following six stages of faith give us important insight as to why so many are “outgrowing” church:

  • Stage 1 – A Recognition of God: Through curiosity, openness, and awe, a person comes to believe God is real. This stage is about awareness and conversion.
  • Stage 2 – The Life of Discipleship: Through bible studies, teaching, reading, relationships, and experiences, the new believer grows in their understanding of who God is and who they are in relationship to God and the community of faith. This stage is about learning.
  • Stage 3 – The Productive Life: Marked by the desire to make a difference, the disciple gets busy serving and putting into practice the teachings they have learned. This stage is about doing.
  • Stage 4 – The Journey Inward: Most often brought about by a crisis of faith, this “inward turn” begins when a person’s experience of God no longer matches what they have learned about God. Often marked by uncertainty, doubt, unsettling questions, and a sense of losing their faith, this stage is about deconstruction.
  • The Wall: While not a separate stage, The Wall marks the transition from following God for our sake to following God for God’s sake. It is aptly named “The Wall” because moving through it is difficult, requiring the release of ego, the surrender of the will, and the acceptance of God’s purposes over our own.
  • Stage 5 – The Journey Outward: Many experience this stage as “being born-again . . . ” There is a renewed sense of awe and a deep knowing of oneself as God’s beloved.  This outward turn is marked by a move away from self-centeredness towards others-centeredness, as well as a move from being driven by shame, duty, and unhealthy guilt to being drawn by the love of God. This stage is about a deeper, more authentic integration of faith and life.
  • Stage 6 – The Life of Love: Marked by humility, sage wisdom acquired through life’s experiences, and a deep surrender to, and trust in, God, this final stage is about compassion for others, healthy detachment from worldly things, and a life fully abandoned to God.

What makes these stages of faith pertinent to Susan’s situation is that she had entered the “second half” of faith. Well into the Journey Inward (Stage 4) and bumping up against The Wall, Susan was uncertain as to what to do with her new season of faith. Unfortunately, so was her church . . . and so were all the other churches she tried. Tired of feeling like an outlier and unable to pretend she wasn’t, Susan made the decision to step away from church altogether.

As the pastor of Monte Vista Chapel for nearly 25 years, I both understand Susan’s story, and I grieve it. How much stronger would the church be if it could hold on to the Susans of the world?  How much stronger would the Susans of this world be if they could hold on to the church? Unfortunately, we will never know the answers to these questions until the church learns to care for people along their entire spiritual journey. What follows are some thoughts about how church leaders might accomplish this difficult and perplexing task.

02.  Stages 1 – 3: Evangelism, Discipleship, and Service

The reason for lumping these stages together is that, historically, the church has done well in helping people through the first half of their faith journey. Sermons, bible-studies, evangelism opportunities, and service projects are vital activities for the first three stages and are standard fare for much of the evangelical church. This is evidenced by the staggering number of resources available to leaders looking to shepherd their people through the early stages of faith. It is also worth noting that these stages are “institutionally efficient,” meaning they are easily scalable.  Through structured programs, large numbers of people can be taught and discipled. With so few workers, and so large a task before them, it makes sense that stretched-thin church leaders put their energies in the first three stages of faith.

This isn’t to say these stages are not worthy of such energy. Churches who don’t evangelize, disciple their people well, and help them serve God and others will eventually die. In terms of growing a healthy church, there is no way around the Great Commission.In Matthew 28:18-20, Jesus tells us to go and make disciples; baptizing and teaching them to obey his teachings. At the same time, there is no way around the Great Commandments either!In Mark 12:30-31, Jesus instructs us to love God with our whole being and love our neighbors as ourselves. While loving God and others is certainly part of the first half of the faith journey, coming to love and trust God no matter the circumstances usually happens as we journey through the final three stages of faith.

03.  Stage 4 and The Wall: Making Room for Questions

At this point much of what served believers well in the first half of their faith journey no longer does. The certainty created through years of bible study and sermons is challenged by experiences of God that do not align with what they have been taught. After passing through the first three stages, engaging the “inward turn” feels counterintuitive. It is not “up and to the right.” It is a “lose your life in order to save it” process. This season is not efficient or scalable and is as unique as the individual who is journeying through it! At the same time, there are things the church can do to support people who find themselves in Stage 4 or at The Wall.

  • They need church leaders who have gone before them. Not everyone in the church leadership structure needs to be in Stage 5 or 6, as each stage of faith offers something beautiful to the church. At the same time, if there are no post-wall leaders, when members begin the “inward turn,” the tendency of leadership will be to redirect them to engage a previous stage. Most of the time, they are pointed back to Stage 2. The reason for this redirection is that a pre-wall leader tends to see the doubt and confusion that comes through the “inward turn” to be the result of poor or inadequate teaching. “The reason you are struggling,” the pre-wall leader believes, “is because you do not know enough, or because what you know is wrong.” The member is then encouraged to join another bible study or learn a different theological framework, only to find that their newly acquired understanding eventually brings them right back to the same place of doubt and confusion. This cycle eventually leads to a deep discouragement and frustration in the growing believer. Rather than seeing their struggle as the natural progression of formation, they believe they “just don’t get it,” causing them to go quiet or to leave the church altogether. While there are certainly people who have made it through this season on their own, having leaders who have “been there” and who can normalize the doubt and confusion is profoundly stabilizing. It is amazing how much an understanding, non-condemning, listening ear creates sacred space for the Holy Spirit to meet a person in this unsettling season of faith.
  • They need a community. Another difficulty of the “inward turn” and The Wall is the isolation often experienced during this season. Many people believe they are the “only ones” struggling with their faith in this way. As such, there is something powerful about a small cohort of people finding their way through it together. Knowing they aren’t the only ones struggling and asking disturbing questions is not only comforting, but deeply encouraging. At Monte Vista Chapel, we have developed a yearlong process that has given hundreds of people both permission and guidance to navigate their doubts and uncertainties while they learn to engage faith in a new and deeper way. My guess is that many churches have a serious logjam of members who, like Susan, are bumping up against the second half of their faith journey. If church leadership can normalize this transition, give their people a steady guide, and an understanding community, they would open the way for new and unprecedented spiritual growth.
  • Finally, consider how you develop people in their pre-wall faith. As noted earlier, pre-wall faith is vitally important. Believers need a strong foundation concerning the character and nature of God as well as the kind of life God has created humanity to live. The problem comes when pre-wall discipleship focuses too much on certainty. A better focus may be curiosity. Rather than dictate one “correct” interpretation of a biblical text or theological perspective, help growing believers embrace the rich and diverse perspectives concerning various interpretations and theological streams of faith. When certainty is the focus, beliefs are set in concrete and the deconstructive questions that arise during the Journey and at The Wall are far more disruptive than they need be.  Curiosity and questioning should be encouraged in pre-wall development.

04.  Stages 5 – 6: The Same, but Different

Ironically, one of the more difficult tasks for church leadership is to help the post-wall believer understand they still need the church. When emerging from The Wall into Stage 5 – The Journey Outward it is common for a believer to dismiss the very organization that was so vital in their earlier seasons of faith. While this may seem odd, it is helpful to remember that it is part of human nature to judge most harshly the places we have once been. That is a warning for all the stages of faith but is especially true for the post-wall believer. The profound reorientation that occurs during this season can cause a person to question why they, or anyone for that matter, would hold the perspectives they held in their pre-wall faith. Oftentimes, people emerging from The Wall feel betrayed by “the church.” “Why didn’t they help me see things this way from the beginning?” is an all-too-common question. The answer, while not always satisfactory, is none-the-less true. They weren’t ready. The reason they are where they are (post-wall) is because they were where they were (pre-wall). There is no shortcutting the construction – deconstruction – reconstruction process of faith. True, some churches construct in very unhealthy ways, making for a much more painful and disruptive process of deconstruction, but, at the same time, this does not make it a wise decision to dismiss the church—the body of believers—altogether. What follows are a few ways church leaders can care for post-wall believers and, in so doing, help them stay connected to the local church.

  • Listen to their stories and help them grieve. David Augsburger wrote that “being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard: How to Hear and Be Heard in Equal Communication(Ada: Baker Publishing Group, 1982). Church leadership must learn to love people in this stage by making room for them to tell their stories. Especially stories about how they have been hurt, disappointed, and let down by the church. As a church leader, this will require a great deal of humility and self-differentiation. As you listen to their stories, don’t defend, don’t correct, and don’t take on their offense. Just listen. On more than one occasion, I have had to ask forgiveness for my shortcomings or the shortcomings of my church. On other occasions, I have had to ask forgiveness on behalf of churches and church leaders I know nothing about. Giving people grace to share their stories facilitates the grieving process, which allows the heart to let go of past hurts and open to new possibilities.
  • Paint a vision for Christ-like humility. In the Orthodox tradition, humility has often been called “the mother of all virtues.” It is also the mark of a believer who is living into the final stage of faith. A deep, genuine, Christ-like humility as expressed by the apostle Paul in Philippians 2:1-11 is the great frontier for a post-wall believer. Church leadership must learn to both envision and model such humility. It is helpful to note that Hagberg and Guelich’s model is circular for a reason. One time around the track is not enough! Though much growth has already occurred, the post-wall believer still has a lifetime of discovery, discipleship, and formation in front of them. And . . . whether or not they can see it in the moment, that formation still requires the church, albeit for different reasons. While the post-wall believer may no longer need church-sponsored bible studies and service opportunities, they do need the community of faith to serve as a laboratory for living out a life of love. Jesus’ disciple said it best in 1 John 4:20. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” Let me get personal here. I need the church as a place to serve others by accompanying them on their faith journeys and because it is where I will be held close to those who are difficult to love. This is where things become very humbling. The reason it is difficult for me to love certain people is not because they are not like Christ. They are difficult for me to love because I am not like Christ. My lack of love reveals my lack of Christ-likeness. Healthy church leadership must paint a compelling vision of post-wall believers humbly staying in the church worshipping, serving, and taking the Lord’s Supper alongside others who are stumbling their way through the various stages of faith.  As they do, God will use them to help form others, and God will use others to continue to form them.
  • Give them space to be with other post-wall believers. The tendency of church leadership is to harness mature believers for the development of the rest of the church. While this is certainly important and necessary, post-wall believers also need the church to care for them where they are. Host a retreat at a local monastery that caters to post-wall believers. Offer corporate space for silence and solitude. Support their personal exploration into issues of justice and mercy that make them come alive. At Monte Vista Chapel, along with the above, we have found that “Story Groups”“Story Groups” are a form of lay led group spiritual direction. They are similar to “Mentoring Communities” as explained in MaryKate Morse’s Lifelong Leadership (Colorado Springs: NavPress Publishing Group, 2020). have been a very helpful way to facilitate a sacred space for ongoing, practical reflection and confession that is vital for the lifelong journey of becoming like Christ.

While it is impossible for a church to retain every post-wall believer, understanding the stages of faith and intentionally caring for people along their entire faith journey will increase the chances that the Susans of this world will stay rather than leave. This is a win for the local church, for Susan, and for the broader kingdom.

May it be so.

Footnotes

Dr. Ken Van Vliet is Senior Pastor of Monte Vista Chapel in Turlock, California, where he has served for 28 years. During that time, he helped transition the church from attractional to formational and from complementarian to egalitarian. He is also Lead Mentor with Dr. MaryKate Morse for the Doctor of Ministry in Leadership and Spiritual Formation at Portland Seminary. Ken is married to Michelle and has two grown children.