Conversatio Divina

Part 7 of 16

Finding Healing in Community

Adapted from Mark Scandrette, Practicing the Way of Jesus, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2011) www.ivpress.com. Used by permission.

Mark Scandrette

We all have things in our lives we wish to change. The solidarity of a group experiment can provide the resolve to make the changes we haven’t been able to make on our own. Several years ago we began a learning lab we call Experiments in Truth to address the disparity we often feel between how we want to live and how we actually live. We invite one other to make simple but dramatic changes to our normal habits over 40 days.

The first session begins with a provocative question: “What is one thing you could do over the next forty days that could change your life forever?” Each person, through a careful process of discernment, identifies an area where change is needed and then commits to a dramatic shift—something they will stop and something they will start to address this area of concern. After we’ve committed to our experiments, we meet once a week to check in on our progress. Here are three examples of personal experiments in truth. 

Kyle. As a young professional, Kyle was used to working hard and playing hard. Part of his office culture was going out after work for a late dinner and drinks nearly every night of the week. Over time this habit made Kyle feel unfocused , distracted from God and guilty about how much he regularly overspent on entertainment. For his forty-day experiment he decided to abstain from drinking alcohol or dining out and vowed to go to bed every night at a specific time. Over time, Kyle realized that the absence of alcohol made it easier for him to pray and the money he saved by not eating out allowed him to give a full 10 percent of his income away—and he generally felt more freedom and peace. 

Brandon And Rebecca. Over the years that Brandon and Rebecca had been married they struggled to make physical intimacy and time together a priority. Their needs for emotional support and sexual closeness often went unsatisfied. They decided that for their forty-day experiment they would commit to having sex at least three times a week. What they discovered was that pursuing more regular sexual intimacy required them to communicate better, which had positive effects in many other areas of their relationship as well. By the end of the forty days they were experiencing more unity, romance, trust and fun than at any other time during their seven years together. 

Rachel. Rachel recognized that she masked a deep sense of insecurity through an obsession with fashion, shopping and meticulous grooming. For her experiment she made a vow not to shop or wear jewelry or makeup for six weeks. Shifting her attention away from her appearance and clothes helped her focus on developing peace and inner beauty. People immediately began to notice a dramatic change in her disposition and affirmed her natural radiance. (Note: Other participants have struggled with the opposite issue, a lack of self-care, and have experimented with giving more attention to their physical appearance.) 

For each of these people, group experiments were the channel God used to heal deep-seated issues and bring new life. 

01.  Group Experiments

When I was five years old, my dad decided it was time for me to learn how to ride a bicycle. I grew up in a city with extensive paved trails around its rivers and lakes, and my dad had a dream for us to be a bicycle-riding family. I vividly remember going with him to the shop where he bought me a metallic gold Schwinn bicycle with upright handlebars and a sparkling gold banana seat. I had seen my dad peddling effortlessly on his bicycle and as we drove home I pictured myself gliding along the sidewalk. When we unloaded my new bicycle I was anxious to take it for a spin. My dad helped me get on and ran beside me holding onto the seat while I peddled. It felt just like I had imagined, until he let go and I immediately crashed into the cement, badly skinning my knees and elbows. He picked me up and made me try a few more times before I gave up, sobbing. Riding a bicycle wasn’t as easy as it looked. We went back to the store and bought training wheels, which I used for several months. I still fell down a hundred times before I finally learned how to keep my balance. But the spills I took as I learned how to ride pale in comparison to all the fond memories I have of cycling with my dad. 

Learning to initiate and lead shared practices can be a bit like learning to ride a bicycle—it takes practice and may require training wheels and a few spills along the way. Sometimes the difference between failure and success is in understanding balance and the details of technique. 

Thus the first step is to try it yourself. You can’t lead someone else to a place you’ve never been yourself. Then a second step is to publicly cast vision for what life in the kingdom can look like, and how shared practices help us experience that reality. If you have done a few more private experiments, you will have firsthand stories of transformation to tell that will inspire people to get involved. Then you can begin offering a cycle of experiments and let momentum spread through your network and community. 

02.  Identifying Collaborators

It can be scary to initiate something new, but even more so to do it alone. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have partners—one or two people you trust who share a common vision and readiness for action. When you collaborate you have a greater pool of skills and wisdom to draw from, and a wider network of potential participants to invite. Ideally, women and men will both be represented. You might also include one or two “apprentices” who are just beginning to develop their leadership potential. By collaborating, the very act of initiating can be a shared experiment in itself, even if no one else ends up joining you. 

With any open-invitation experiment that I’ve been a part of, there are usually two lead partners and two or three other collaborators. As you form your team, there are several important questions to consider. 

First, do we have the time and stability in our lives to lead this practice well? With their first open-invitation group experiment many people discover that leading a practice takes more time and energy than they initially expected. 

Second, do we have the skills that are needed—including the ability to gather people, plan, organize and facilitate? It is better to start out small and build your confidence and credibility than to begin by trying to guide a larger group. To initiate a practice, you don’t have to be an expert, but it’s helpful if the team has some prior experience. If the practice you want to invite people into is new to you, let participants know this from the start and don’t present yourself as an expert. 

Third, do we have a healthy understanding of leadership that balances the need for clear direction with providing a warm and safe environment? Those of us who are used to leading from the top sometimes find it difficult to make the adjustment to a collaborative and participatory team. Others of us, in reaction to negative leadership experiences, might feel hesitant to provide clear direction when it is appropriate and necessary. Be aware of your leadership strengths and weaknesses. Finally, it’s helpful to ask, “Are we each growing in integrity in our apprenticeship to Jesus and our reputations with others?” To have authenticity and credibility, your leadership has to come from lived experience that gives you the confidence to say, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1, NIVScripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™).

03.  Designing Your Experiment

The next step is to design your experiment. Pray and brainstorm some ideas together. After exploring the options, identify the one idea that has the most energy and consensus among you to move forward with. It may be best to start with a practice you are already familiar with. 

You will want to name the aspect of the vision and teachings of Jesus you hope to investigate and explore how this theme intersects with your felt needs and common concerns. Recall the five basic themes of human experience that the teachings of Jesus address, which are summarized by the Lord’s Prayer: identity, purpose, security, community, freedom and peace. Perhaps you’ve noticed or been a part of groups oriented around one or two of these dimensions. We tend to emphasize aspects of the teachings of Jesus that naturally appeal to us and neglect those that don’t. To pursue a balanced approach to spiritual formation we’ve created an annual cycle of experiments that reflect each of these five themes. Each year we examine the specific instructions Jesus gave within these dimensions and develop a shared practice. At the beginning of an experiment it’s really helpful to spend some time reflecting on the specific commands of Jesus. Whenever I look at the list of things Jesus instructed his disciples to do, I’m struck with bewilderment and awe—we are truly being invited into a whole new way to be human. 

Once you have identified a theme and a shared practice, you can think through the specific details of your experiment. What are the three or four main goals of the project? Is it a one-time action or multi-week experiment? Who will you invite to join you? Where is the most appropriate place to meet? What exercises do you plan to do during the sessions and what will participants be required to do on their own during the week? One of the early mistakes we made was creating experiments that were too complicated. We gradually learned that limiting ourselves to one or two compelling practices was better than having people feel overwhelmed. 

Finally, it’s critical to decide what tasks and roles each collaborator needs to fulfill to execute the plan. To avoid stress and confusion, it can be helpful to develop a time-line for when certain tasks need to be completed. When you are asking participants to trust you with their time and resources, it’s important to be well prepared and organized. A certain degree of formality that might not be familiar can be helpful to establishing a culture of intentional experimentation and practice. 

04.  Inviting Others

After you’ve brainstormed the details of your experiment, write up a short description of the vision, goals and details to share with the people you plan to invite. The most effective way to involve people in your experiment is to invite them personally through a note or phone call. You might also announce the project to a larger constituency through public messages and social networking tools. We usually link our experiments to an online registration page that makes it clear how to sign up and pay any fees. You want the invitation to be clear and concise so that potential participants easily understand the vision and expectations of the experiment before they arrive. 

We learned the hard way that it’s not effective to force an experiment onto an unsuspecting person or group. It’s important to give people a chance to opt in. You may be surprised by who does or does not choose to participate. Not everyone is ready for intentional, shared practices. When given the choice between a context that requires high commitment and one that promises belonging without participation, most people will choose the one that requires the least amount of effort. There is an inherent tension between our impulses to belong and our desire to become. When we invite one another into shared practices we are asking people to say yes or no to a defined path. Thousands of people flocked to hear Jesus, hundreds stayed to ask questions and just a few dozen chose to become his disciples. Perhaps this is why Jesus said that his teaching would create divisions among families (Matt. 10:34–35). Practicing the way of Jesus will always be a minority activity—which suggests that we keep on “evangelizing” one another to risk being transformed by the power of the gospel.  

Sharing a vision of life in the kingdom and inviting people into contexts where they can practice the teachings of Jesus is a way of announcing the good news. In the Great Commission Jesus gave his disciples, evangelism was not a discrete activity that could be separated from apprenticeship. He told his disciples to “go and make disciples . . . baptizing them . . . and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matt. 28:19–20, NIV). The crisis of evangelism we face in the Western world is not a lack of information about the gospel, but a scarcity of examples of transformed people who would provoke others to ask, “How did you discover this remarkable new way of life?” 

You can invite anyone to “try on” the teachings of Jesus. A person doesn’t have to believe in Jesus before they can engage in group experiments or shared practices. Even the first disciples of Jesus became aware of the significance of who he was gradually. Their confidence in him grew as they saw how his teachings played out in real life. 

Over the years our experiments have attracted three kinds of people: (1) church participants who want to go further in their discipleship, (2) “post-congregational” people who have a desire to follow Jesus but are skeptical about mainstream Christianity, and (3) post-Christian seekers who have developed a curiosity about the way of Jesus. It is tricky navigating how to cultivate an environment where all three kinds of people feel safe. Our language and approach might be too Christocentric for some, not “traditional” enough for others, or more honest and gritty than is comfortable for another. A mixed environment, where we are all out of our comfort zones, can be a potent and dynamic space for transformation. 

On the first night of Awakening Creativity, Ethan, a middle-aged, gay man, introduced himself as a former Tibetan Buddhist monk newly curious about Jesus. He said he signed up for the project because it seemed different from a church service and a safe place to explore. When I referred to a Scripture passage as coming from “the Tanakh,” several participants looked confused, but Ethan exclaimed, “It means a lot to me that you would say Tanakh instead of Old Testament. Thanks for respecting my Jewish heritage!” Three months later Ethan signed up for another learning lab and arrived the first evening wearing a Celtic cross, which he proudly showed me, explaining that he had become a Christian. 

05.  Meeting Together

When I’m leading a practice, my collaborators and I try to arrive well in advance of other participants to set up our space, check-in as a team and pray together. We usually have a printed schedule and a two-page handout that includes some Scripture, discussion questions, homework assignments and other relevant material. Because we value a collaborative approach and want to see more people equipped to lead, we do our best to give everyone on the team a visible role during each session. There are a few basic tasks involved in guiding any experiment including giving an orientation and sharing vision, leading specific exercises or practices, small group facilitation, hospitality, set-up and clean-up, and administration. If there are more than six or seven people involved in the experiment, we divide into smaller groups for check-in and some of our exercises so that everyone has adequate “air-time” to process and dialogue about their experience. 

On the first night we try to create a welcoming environment by serving tea and a small, healthy snack. In a reminder email that goes out two days before, we let participants know that we plan to start promptly. After a welcome and prayer we ask everyone to introduce themselves and share what interested them in the project. Then we spend fifteen to twenty minutes explaining the vision of the project, the goals and expectations for participation, and give people a chance to ask questions and clarify anything they may not have understood. Then, if it is a multiweek experiment, we ask people to sign a contract of participation (see examples in the appendixes), emphasizing that it’s okay for anyone to opt out after the first meeting if they don’t feel like they are able to make a full commitment to the experiment. If they do decide to participate, we stress that it’s important to be at each session. In our experience, we’ve come to expect that 5 to 10 percent of participants will drop out after the first or second week. 

When we first began initiating experiments we were so eager to have as many people as possible participate that we let people casually drop-in part-way through the process. Of course, these people often didn’t understand our vision and expectations and hadn’t completed the practices the rest of us had, which made our check-ins awkward. Our guests ended up undermining the dynamics of the group and eventually we learned that to maintain momentum and intensity was important to have clear entry and exit points. 

In each session of a multiweek experiment we include prayer, restatement of vision, a small group check-in and an onsite practice or exercise. We’ve found that initiating a group experiment is a nuanced skill that is more complex than telling people what you know or dictating what they should do. The primary goal is not sharing information but inviting one another into action. When our projects haven’t been well thought out, there has been a tendency to spend too much time discussing ideas without engaging in new practices together. We try to share only as much information as the group needs in order to have a vision to take action or begin a practice. Since most of us have full lives, we’ve learned to maximize the practice aspect of our time together, even if it means sitting quietly in a circle responding to reflection questions or writing poetry. 

At the end of each session, we gather together to give direction on any homework and do some cheerleading. We like to give each collaborator a chance to offer a “coaching comment” to encourage the group or address an issue that had come up during the session. The day after the session we send a follow up message to participants that includes a digital copy of the handout, a brief summary of the session and any additional coaching comments that will help them keep momentum on their individual practices. Most of us are well intentioned about fulfilling our commitments, but it’s easy to forget, so we’ve learned to over-communicate expectations and agreements to make it as easy as possible for people to remember what they have committed to do. 

At the beginning of the last session, or in the last hour of an intensive one, we take ten to fifteen minutes to have each person fill out a written evaluation. The evaluation includes questions to help participants reflect on the results of their practice, and space to give organizers feedback about what activities were most effective and how the experiment might be made better in the future. The positive results people experience become the stories that seed wider participation in future experiments. Participants who have experienced deep transformation often become our collaborators for similar experiments the following year. 

06.  The Gift of Intentionality

Perhaps the most challenging obstacle I’ve had to overcome to be part of creating space for shared practices has been my own fear of structure. It has taken me a long time to recognize how much intentionality is needed in order to pursue life together in the kingdom of love. I naturally gravitate towards creative and open-ended situations and I tend to value relationships more than programs. For most of my twenties and early thirties I operated under the assumption that if we just “hang out and love Jesus,” we would become like him with little direct guidance or organized effort. Part of this came from an idealism that I hope to never loose, but much of it was rooted in what I now see as life-stage naiveté and a lack of understanding about how life actually works. I’m sad to say that I hurt a lot of people because I didn’t understand how clear structures that value relationships create a healthy environment for growth and change. 

Many of the leaders I work with have a lot of passion and vision, but struggle to translate that into guiding a group towards intentional action. One of the greatest temptations of a leader is to talk about new ideas or share vision without providing a clear path for integrating learning into life. While dialogue may be an important step, it is stillborn unless it eventually leads to action. A renewed understanding of leadership is critical to creating space for whole-person discipleship. Leaders need to begin seeing themselves not just as hosts, caregivers or communicators, but also as initiators and coaches who invite people into compelling acts of obedience. Taking steps to obey Jesus and inviting others into a common journey is the best way to make disciples. I believe that even paid pastors can renegotiate their job descriptions to include devoting a significant portion of their work time to living out kingdom values in collaboration with others. 

07.  Getting Unstuck

I began trying to lead experiments partly out of my frustrations with the limited view of the gospel I had received earlier in life, and with the unfulfilling practices I’d been taught. When I realized that there was a better story and the possibility of a more integrative path, I felt both hopeful and angry. For many of us, deconstruction is a necessary part of the journey—though there is a danger of getting stuck in a state of reaction and negativity. 

It was hard for me to get positive momentum on new and creative practices when I was living in regret about the time I’d spent on paths that now seemed fruitless. I was helped by having a group of friends and colleagues who were also yearning for new ways of seeking and leading. A group of us met once a week over three months to systematically work through the shifts we were experiencing. We gave each other permission to ask questions, wrestle with Scripture and experiment with new practices. Going through this process together grounded us, helped us know that we were not alone and gave us the supportive environment we needed to grieve and imagine new possibilities. 

If you have had doubts or questions about the path you’ve been on, you are not alone. Most of us, at some point, will struggle with disappointments or stumble over the shortsighted ways we have understood God and God’s kingdom. When this happens we can dismiss our earlier faith as naive, deny the ambiguities, or press into the questions to negotiate thriving belief. You can even make a shared practice of your disappointments and struggles by doing something proactive to get “unstuck.” Gather with a group of friends who are feeling similarly deconstructed and meet six to eight times to work through your questions and doubts. Put a time limit on voicing your complaints. It may be appropriate to have a trusted guide facilitate a process of healing and restoration. You may also find that actively practicing the way of Jesus will turn the volume down on your negativity and frustrations. 

08.  Dynamics of Transformation

  1. Transformation happens through new vision. 
  2. Transformation happens through new experiences. 
  3. Transformation happens through group encounter and reflection. 
  4. Transformation happens through failures, setbacks, mistakes and persistence. 
  5. Transformation into the likeness of Christ happens by the power of the Spirit. 
  6. Transformation is rooted in the heart. 

Footnotes

Mark Scandrette is Executive Director and Cofounder of ReIMAGINE, a center for spiritual formation in San Francisco, and The Jesus Dojo, a yearlong intensive formation process inspired by the life and teachings of Jesus. He is the author of Practicing the Way of Jesus.