Watch Chris Hall’s Session 01: Overcoming Anger with Serenity here.
In this session, Chris tells us honestly about his own struggles with anger, introduces us to the big personality of Abba Moses and points us down the road toward serenity.
In any discussion about anger, it is tempting to get into the question of righteous versus unrighteous anger. It is a valid theological debate—and if anyone is interested, Rebecca DeYoung’s chapter, “Wrath: Holy Emotion or Hellish Passion?” in her book Glittering Vices Konyndyk DeYoung, Rebecca, Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins and Their Remedies. (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2009), v. is a thought-provoking read. However, this session clearly calls us to consider the vice of anger in our own lives. Beware being distracted by the more comfortable topic!
Small group leaders – Equipment required
1. What did you hear?
The study group leader picks up the pebble and shares what resonated and what brought up resistance. One sentence for each. No comments, no questions. The study group leader then passes the pebble to their neighbor.
When a group member is holding the pebble, it is their turn to share if they want to—everyone should be given the courtesy of being listened to without judgment or comment but remember, one sentence for each. If a group member does not wish to share anything then they can simply pass the pebble to their neighbor.Some people may not be comfortable passing an object around the group. You may want to provide hand sanitizer for everyone to use before and / or after touching the pebble. However, please also feel free to find more creative ways to pass on the right to share without interruption.
2. What are you thinking?
After you have all had the chance to share your initial impressions you can open up the group for discussion.
a. When do you get angry? Is it in response to fear, to being ignored, to perceived wrong, some frustrated goal? Or is it simply when things are not going your way? And how do you express your anger? Be honest with yourself—and don’t let yourself get away with saying “I don’t get angry . . .”
Note to leader: It may be hard for some participants to admit the answer to this question. You might want to discuss in pairs rather than in the big group, or even just have everyone use the pen and paper to write it down.
b. Chris links anger to being judged by another. What is your experience of being on the giving and /or receiving end of angry judgment?
c. Both Chris and Abba Moses found that when they faced the truth about their unrighteous anger, they were transformed by encountering God’s grace. How do you engage with the God of grace? What are possible barriers to such an encounter?
3. Reflecting on Scripture
I find the Sermon on the Mount challenges me—it is an invitation to face the truth about ourselves, and to control our thoughts, lest they control us.
Rebecca DeYoung paraphrases Thomas Aquinas in her book:
“It is true of all sins against temperance—amongst which anger, lust and gluttony are all numbered—that like two-year olds, the passions get more unruly and hard to control the more we indulge them.”Konyndyk DeYoung, Rebecca, Glittering Vices, 144.
Consider the passages from Matthew in the light of this insight, and the illustration of Abba Moses and his leaky water barrel.
Finish by reading 1 John 1:5–9.
Matthew 5:21–24All Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 7:1–5
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite! First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
1 John 1:5–9
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
(Discuss your experiences in the group, then try the new practices at home before the next session. Please take a copy of the study guide with you as a reminder)
Just some ideas, do as you can, not as you can’t:
Serenity
How did you get on with being still and silent? If you have tried the exercise from the last session, discuss what you found hard and what, if anything, you got from it.
Remembering Abba Isidore’s advice to Moses about being in his own room, perhaps you could continue the practice—may be even increasing the time to ten minutes. If you have not yet had a go, do consider it. Chris suggests finding a dedicated space as your “cell”.
Blessing
Chris recommends the practice of blessing (in your prayers) those who elicit the greatest anger in you—through gritted teeth if necessary. Confession of your anger to God before you start is advisable—and safe! I find it easier under these circumstances to use someone else’s words, e.g. Numbers 6:24–26:
24 “The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
Spiritual Direction
Chris also suggested looking out for an Isidore. One way is to find a spiritual director, your own Abba or Amma, to accompany you on the road to serenity.
Refuse to judge
Another suggestion from Chris: Catch yourself in the act of judging—and stop. Show the kindness of Christ instead.
Fun
I find that anger is often a response to lack or loss of control. If that resonates with you, find a fun way to practice letting go of outcomes; e.g., play a game that depends on chance, let someone else choose the itinerary for a day out or order for you in a restaurant, hand over the remote control, etc.
Have participants pray the following prayer together at the end of the session.
Prayer of Yielding
Jesus, I am not good at facing my failings.
I’m even slower at recognizing the things that have taken Your place in my heart.
Today I yield myself to You again.
Thank You that Your invitation to repent isn’t a prison of shame and punishment,
but a path to forgiveness, freedom and a fresh start.God-shaped people: UK Enneagram course. Becky Widdows / Margi Walker
In this session, we wanted everyone to acknowledge anger, but anger is clearly more of a problem for some people than others. The Enneagram recognizes this. In fact, it identifies three types for whom anger is a significant problem; 8, 9, and 1.
In Enneagram discussions, a group of three numbers is referred to as a triad. Types 8, 9, and 1 make up the “Gut” triad because people in these spaces tend to make decisions with their gut. (In contrast, 2, 3, and 4 types are heart people and 5, 6, and 7 are head-based people).
Gut types are honest, down-to-earth, ethically aware people who have a strong sense of self and/or of others. They value autonomy and independence, needing their own personal space/territory. Often capable and busy people, their energy is directed both at influencing the environment and at resisting being influenced by the environment. At their best, the people of this triad reflect justice, peace, and goodness to the world.
Gut people can be very passionate about a cause, but they tend to dissociate from their feelings. This may be because they can experience life with such intensity that to allow themselves to experience their emotions fully would be too much. It might also be connected with the need to be in control of themselves.
On the surface, gut people may seem self-assured but inside they can be plagued with moral self-doubt. They need to know who is in charge and often ask the question, “Why am I here?”Heuertz, Christopher L., The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017). Gut people have an overdeveloped sense of “ought,” so they are tempted to believe that I am what I do.Rohr, Richard and Andreas Ebert, The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, Peter Heinegg, trans. (New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2001). This leads to internal stress, often expressed in physical tension, and an undercurrent of anger. This anger is dealt with in different ways by the different types.
Eights are people who often take control in order to avoid being controlled. They have no problem admitting to and expressing anger. They can use it very effectively to get their own way and may even enjoy doing so! The storm may blow over relatively quickly—but it can leave damage in its wake.
Nines want to avoid conflict, so have a tendency to bury their anger or numb it out. They may lose themselves with alcohol, drugs, television, games, or simply a good book. The danger is that the anger is still there and is exhausting. There may be an explosion some time after the provoking event, the time delay making it hard for all concerned to link cause and effect.
One is the number that is most firmly linked to anger on the Enneagram. Ones hold themselves to such high standards that they inevitably end up disappointed and angry with their own failure. They are also angered by perceived “bad” behavior in others; but as they regard anger as wrong, they attempt to temper it to a more “acceptable” response. Nevertheless, it usually leaks out as frustration, resentment, grumpiness, or physical tension—poisoning relationships and robbing Ones of joy and peace. We go into more detail about the One type below.
Heart Types (2, 3, and 4) often experience anger when their carefully crafted image is threatened—it maybe that they are questioned, challenged, unacknowledged, or they perceive themselves as unseen.
For Head types (5, 6, and 7), anger is often a response to fear, when the constructs that have been created for security are threatened—for example, when they are unprepared, they are unsure of the rules, or their plans are thwarted.
1: The Perfectionist/Reformer/Idealist
Ones feel good about themselves if they have got things right. They consider themselves to be good and would be deeply distressed if you thought otherwise.
Ones could well say:
“Really? Couldn’t you just have done it properly? It’s not that difficult!”
Ones are very unlikely to say:
“I don’t feel like working today. Let’s pull a sickie and binge on box sets.”
Ones are idealists. They tend to see what is wrong with a situation, a person and especially themselves, so they want to put it right and assume that others want that too. They are self-disciplined, striving to do the best they can in any situation. In contrast, they are not good at letting things go, celebrating or having fun.
Ones have a great deal of difficulty making big decisions because they have internal arguments about the best course of action and worry a lot about getting it wrong. Their inner critic is vociferous in its judgement.
A One’s ideals are usually unmet, despite their sacrifices and their striving, leading to anger with themselves, other people, life in general, and often with God who “ought” to be sorting things out. Depression, self-loathing, a fear of being unloved or unlovable, and a jealous resentment of others who are enjoying life easily follows—a slide down into the worst aspects of Four.
Hope comes for a One when they learn to let go:
One’s can work on this by embracing the best of the Seven:
Ones are often disappointed in themselves and so their assumption is that God is disappointed in them too. “They have lost sight of the fact that only God is perfect. Grace covers our imperfections and the imperfections of the world.”Widdows, Becky and Margi Walker, God-shaped people: UK Enneagram course.
As a One learns to dwell in the undeserved grace of God, they can relax and accept themselves and others as they are. When they grasp that they are truly loved no matter what they do, or do not do, the virtue of serenity grows. Virtuous Ones reflect integrity, goodness and peacefulness as they find it enough to know that “sin is inevitable; but all shall be well, all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.” (Julian of Norwich)